behind the tiny door was a tiny girl

I sat alone that night. I had a cup of tea and a strong feeling that things were too hard go up against. A feeling that if I fought for the life, the freedom and the happiness I felt were lacking in my life that I would lose... and in doing so lose the last glimmer of my hopes.

The wind howled outside and rattled at my new home. I felt safe though, just me, my bed and the four walls of my room.
We sat together, my bed and I. We listened to my life beating against the walls desperate to get in and we decided not to let it.
I turned the key in the door and it clicked. I boarded up the windows and pulled the sheets up around my ears. I wanted to block out everything around me.
It was so peaceful there, my green sheets and soft pillows. I felt safe and for the first time in my life I no longer felt afraid.
This was my new home, and life couldn't get in.
We stayed that way for a very long time, just me, my bed and the four walls and we were very happy together.

Things weren't so calm on the outside though. Through the boards on my windows I could see the thick dark clouds and the heavy rains. The trees tore at the boards of the house, trying to claw their way in. All the elements conspired against me... Every now and then the ground would shake and I would worry that I would be exposed. I screamed at the wind and it screamed back. I yelled at the thunder and it yelled back, louder and more forceful.
It must be said, however, that not all elements were acting with malice or ill intent. There was kindness behind some of the acts, genuine concern for my decision of reclusion, hermitisation. The sun waltzed through the cracks in the boards taunting me to join it in its dance, the breeze knocked playfully at my door asking me to follow it back to my life. I knew I had left behind many things that I loved, but simply more things that scared me, betrayed me and disappointed me.
So I sat.




Dear Love,

i love you,


Find your way through the cracks in my windows or with the light that sneaks in under my door. Find your way to me and fill my empty heart.

It's worthless without its counterpart

(L)