i'm on the leaderboard

When I was 17 I was sure my boyfriend was the only one for me.

When I was 17 my friends and I spoke everyday. In person, on the phone and via the internet.

When I was 17 I had only just started making mistakes.

When I was 17 I had my mother to look after me.

When I was 17 I could ask for advice on every little thing that happened in my life.

When I was 17 everyone in the world had time for me.

When I was 17 the world had time for me.

I'm alone and isolated and confused and unloved. I want to have that feeling again, that absolute certainty that my friends are the best friends I could ever have and that they will be there for me for the rest of my life, that the boy who I love loves me unconditionally and that we will spend the rest of our lives together, I want to know that I can do anything I set my mind to, that I am intelligent and creative and constantly challenged.

I want the fear to go away. The fear that I'll spend the rest of my life reaching out to people I've lost in my life. The fear that I'm not worthy and that I'll be alone forever.








Dear Old E-mails,

i love you,
Thank you for surprising me yesterday, I hadn't thought about you for a long time and I was definitely not expecting you to come over. It's been such a long time since I've sat down and talked about the past. I'd forgotten how close we were and how much time we used to spend together. I wish We could be like we used to be, life was simpler and more exciting then. We were constantly making plans to go places, to visit friends and do things together.
Part of me is happy to have these memories to share... another part of me can't help but mourn a life we can never have again. How did we get so distant?
I think I'll always love you for the memories I have, even if I know that we will never have the same relationship we once had. I wish I knew how I could find my way back to you.

Maybe I should open a new email account, and make new memories...


Maybe the old ones are better,

(L)

everybody's got the blues

Hm hum hum diddley um drum mum mum drum frum how do you blow a raspberry in txt? XBrfffphtttttx raspberry. Breasticles, testicles wallet and watch. Matt has eyes. Kate has a nose. Lola has hair. Alanna has a neck. Matt has a mullet. The guitar has a Matt. The neck has a head. The head has a freckle. Right. Love is... Walrus serving sherbet mocktails on a summer afternoon in the land of fog and frog. Trees of milk and honey. Rivers of sparkle juice and skies of rocky road ice cream. Guitar singalongs on giant bed ships floating through disappearing realms of adventuring housies and walking chocolate fisheries. Red balloon clouds and bubbles you can catch rides in. Yum.

Dear Ex-Housie,

i love you
I need you
I miss you
I miss:

• Bed picnics
• Chill out sessions
• Pillow fights
• Watching you cook
• Eating your cooking
• Photo shoots
• Naked stalker pictures
• Toilet rolls
• All day dates
• Road trips
• Party planning
• Giant dinner parties
• Crazy after parties
• Movie nights
• Never-ending conversations
• Grocery shopping
• Tea, tea, tea
• Banana bread
• Banana pancakes
• Sherbet mocktails
• 'Rocky road' ice-cream
• Murder mysteries
• Rainbow paddle pops
• Dancing
• Treats and surprises
• Leftovers
• Adventures
• Burnt cookies
• Hot chocolates
• Facebook stalking

I miss everything

Your housemate, always
(L)

super fly

A late night phone call.
A knock on my door.
A booty call?
No.
I was sitting quietly on my bed, abusing myself internally for the lack of productive flashing that was again the torment of my evening. Entourage has raped me of my freedom and I spend night after painful night watching Vinnie Chase get laid and make millions of $$$ while I slowly kill any chance of passing my TAFE course... and subsequently any chance of my being accepted into University next year. A painful cycle.
My phone rang, a small voice offering a late night surprise was on the other end of the line and I was happy, and I stayed that way for the rest of the night.
Thanks friends, for the jokes, the songs, the dancing, the guitar, the treats, the bruises and the memories.







Dear Midnight Soft Serves,

i love you
You are so sweet and when you kiss me they are the softest iciest kisses I have ever felt. When I hold you to my lips I feel more satisfaction than I have in such a long time.
I know that you feel the same way about me too because I see how my kisses and the soft meaningful strokes of my tongue melt you. Knowing that I have this affect on you causes my mouth to split open into the largest smile ever seen on a smitten girl, because you have the same affect on my heart. I'm still smiling now, I can't stop.
I wasn't expecting your visit last night, it was so lovely to see your pale smiling face and to hold you so tenderly in my hands.
I slipped your jacket from your shoulders and we made love there in the hallway.

Sorry, I couldn't wait,
(L)