dead ant

I don't suppose it's healthy to think that drinking fixes things. But for me, well, sometimes it's true. When I was a spring chicken, in my binge drinking prime (which, I'm sure would horrify my mother to know, is not now) I used to have a tendency to cry and get all emotional like when I drank, involving all those unfortunates around me in grueling non-sensical ramblings of my life's troubles... Alcohol's a depressant... right?
Well, wrong. For some reason, now I have been sprinkled with drinking seasoning I seem to be able to shake whatever mood cloud has been hovering over my life and just dance it out.
Drinking makes me happy...
I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, but I'm just going to have to roll with it I think.









Dear Goonies,

i love you
It’s true, you always being a giant smile to my face. You inspire those around you to play games, let go and just enjoy life’s moments for what they are. Spending time with you always gives my tummy a warm mumbling quality which no one else has ever summoned.
I think what assures me that this love is true is the instability of my mornings post-you. When I wake up and you are not there, after we have spent another wonderfully crazy night together, I always feel ill. And not just with emotional turmoil, this is an actual physical illness, there are headaches, nausea, motion sickness… a whole range of symptoms encroach on the pain of your departure and feast on my body.
Some days I cannot open my eyes or move from my bed as the pain is too much, the beast of loneliness feeds on me until its hunger is satisfied, this can take days.
Again a testament to our love, that despite the day of woe that stalks our nights together I am always finding my way back into your arms, willing you to sweep me away into a night of such incredible joy no amount of feasting can destroy.
You feed my with confidence, you cloud my judgments, disable my perception, cause my feet to wobble under me and dance with me like a maniac.
Being around you alters me; I cannot get enough of you. I will bleed your heart dry, take all I can from you until all that remains is an empty sack.

We will destroy each other,
(L)

everybody's got the blues

Hm hum hum diddley um drum mum mum drum frum how do you blow a raspberry in txt? XBrfffphtttttx raspberry. Breasticles, testicles wallet and watch. Matt has eyes. Kate has a nose. Lola has hair. Alanna has a neck. Matt has a mullet. The guitar has a Matt. The neck has a head. The head has a freckle. Right. Love is... Walrus serving sherbet mocktails on a summer afternoon in the land of fog and frog. Trees of milk and honey. Rivers of sparkle juice and skies of rocky road ice cream. Guitar singalongs on giant bed ships floating through disappearing realms of adventuring housies and walking chocolate fisheries. Red balloon clouds and bubbles you can catch rides in. Yum.

Dear Ex-Housie,

i love you
I need you
I miss you
I miss:

• Bed picnics
• Chill out sessions
• Pillow fights
• Watching you cook
• Eating your cooking
• Photo shoots
• Naked stalker pictures
• Toilet rolls
• All day dates
• Road trips
• Party planning
• Giant dinner parties
• Crazy after parties
• Movie nights
• Never-ending conversations
• Grocery shopping
• Tea, tea, tea
• Banana bread
• Banana pancakes
• Sherbet mocktails
• 'Rocky road' ice-cream
• Murder mysteries
• Rainbow paddle pops
• Dancing
• Treats and surprises
• Leftovers
• Adventures
• Burnt cookies
• Hot chocolates
• Facebook stalking

I miss everything

Your housemate, always
(L)

brisney land

I'm sitting on a bench outside my new room in my new suburb of the new city I am dwelling in. I don't suppose I have ever been this lonely in my life. Burning lights of hope that I will make friends, have fun, make this work... I like this city, I know my loneliness has nothing to do with my location, any town that is not my home town would offer me the same sense of abandonment. It's a waiting game though. I must wait until I get a job, wait until I start studying, wait until I have a proper place to live. I'm assured that the commencement of these various avenues of entertainment will result in friends and lack of boredom bugs in my bed. But until then...
I'm the loneliest lass... and I just have to accept it.

Dear Brisbane,

i love you
I am falling and falling hard.
There is so much I am yet to discover about you but all I have been shown so far is exciting, new and brilliant.
I feel I should tell you though that this is going to be complicated. I’m coming from a very serious relationship and don’t know what, if anything, I am searching for. I wasn’t expecting you; your wonderful sunshine filled smile, your pimming swool eyes, you melt my soul with the burning desire of your heart and leave me sun burnt and smiling.
This won’t be easy, I have unfinished business with an old lover. I need to visit him, talk to him. I owe him this much.
But Brisbane, I will make it work for us.

You have left your sun kisses on my heart
(L)

my first champagne

I have always feared leaving things behind, more so then getting left behind myself. Sometimes, however, you know it's time for changes, time to go searching. I was entirely happy and content where I was but there's a nomad dwelling in my heart who won't let me rest, not yet.
I'm not old, not yet.
It's not too late too run, not yet.

Dear Armidale,

i love you
I miss you also. I know that this is entirely my fault, that is was my decision to leave you. I’m searching for something, for someone that I will probably never find. I hope you understand that I didn’t leave for lack of loving you. Please do not question that.
I have never enjoyed spending time with anyone quite as much as you. I know you so well, all the streets and sidewalks for your soul, the buildings of your thoughts, I can navigate my way through you mind, your body, your heart. I have the map to you, etched on my soul.
I hope that you understand that I had to leave and why. I need to see the world, experience the unknown, unmapped territory of myself and learn my own secrets.
Please don’t forget me, as I could never forget you. 18 years I spent with you, you are a part of me that I can never let go of, and one day, when the timing is right I will make my way back to you and we can be together again;

And always at home
(L)

what the shadows do at night

I brought in the new year with anything but style. I was asleep for the countdown, (asleep, not passed out).
I think I'm waiting for something, waiting for life to slap me back into consciousness. This year better prove itself to me because I have a lot riding on it being the best out of my 22.








Dear 2009,

i love you
Actually that's a complete lie. I don't even know you.
I'll give you ONE YEAR to prove yourself.

That is all,
(L)

one, two, three

It's not an amazing day today, looking outside at the grey clouded sky and the trees swimming in the wind it's hard to get a sense of what's to come.
I don't really feel a change coming, I feel an odd sense of anticipation. There are a few small indicators of the progression. I have a noticed a line or two that seems to be setting itself up for a long stay; organizing meetings with the proper authorities, trying to gain residency. Hey, come on, ask me! I'll tell you where you can fuck off to. But I guess I don't get much of a say in these matters from here on in.
There's also more exciting mail then usual, a definite sign that somethings happening.
I need someone to cuddle tonight, so that I don't wake up having vanished in the morning, I'm scared I won't exist. Someone needs to hold me close and hold me here.
I think this is the first year I've wanted to disappear, to swim in the other direction.
I'm not old, not yet.
It's not too late too run.







Dear Spoons,

i love you
I love you because you always make me feel safe and sheltered.
When you wrap your arms around me I am untouchable and nothing can come after me, nothing can come between us. We are untouchable.
When I wake up in bed with you I find it impossible to move, to leave, to get up and start my day. What motivation could I possibly have when my day is perfectly unbeatable? Why get up when it's all downhill from there. The ultimate morning, the best wake up nuzzling.
Spoons, you make me feel like the most adored girl in all the worlds. You always make me feel unbelievably special, because you always insist on having me close to you. Which is delightful because I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.
We are the perfect pair you and I: Big spoon, middle spoon, little spoon - I don't mind.
Spend the day in bed with me -
Hell, spend three days in bed with me.

I promise you won't regret it,
(L)

wish list

I hate Christmas carols, they rub me entirely the wrong way. And if I hear a Christmas carol before Christmas eve I get angry, even if it's only a couple days premature.
I do enjoy Christmas carols on Christmas eve, but only when I'm in a car, filled with my sisters and mum and dad (this is getting to be a harder and weirder family tradition each year) and we drive around and look at the lights with the Disney Christmas carol CD blaring and us screaming merry Christmas to everyone we see while counting Christmas trees. Every year these silly little family rituals get further afield from what I remember, but what I absolutely love about my family is that not one of us cares that we look like morons or that we're all in our 20's, we still relive these childhood games every year. Running around the backyard with sparklers, throwing them in the air and mum yelling at us, eating chips and drinking coke, hanging up our stockings with matching pegs... No one has ever claimed to be too old for this.
They're probably too scared of what we'd do to them if they did.
We still make mum fill our stockings... But now, we fill hers.







Dear Santa,

i love you
Here is a list of things I want for Christmas... I'll love you even more if I get them all...

• Ipod Nano
• Wacom tablet
• Adobe Suite
• tongue piercing
• A book shelf
• Black low-top connies
• DVDs
• The entire contents of the Peter Alexander Christmas catalog including the men
• A place in Brissie with air conditioning, a pool and a fenced yard
• TV on DVD: One Tree Hill, Buffy, Sex & the City, Heroes, entourage season 5, scrubs season 7
  
• summer dresses
• bubble blowing machine
• underwater pogo stick
• giant beach ball

(L)