When day becomes night and things become quiet, there's one whose eyes blink and never get tired.
This is the girl, the girl who never sleeps.
She uses her nighttime to plan and to plot.
She uses the darkness to see things aloft.
There's something inside her that seeks out your screams.
She takes them and places them inside of your dreams.
She plays in a world where no-one has friends,
A place where there's chances and tethers and ends.
This world won't exist in the harsh light of day,
But when the shadows creep over it's time to decay.
This is the girl, the girl who never sleeps.
This is the girl, the girl who never weeps.
She'll steal your heart to wear as a glove,
Laughing at you from up above.
Because this is a girl who's never known love.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
part 2: tiny little windmill
In the middle of the night the princess was woken by a terrible noise, it sounded like a howling wind, rustling trees, creaking doors. She jumped up and ran down the many flights of stairs from her room to the front door of the castle, but when she opened the door the noise stopped. She ran down into the valley and saw that although the windmills still stood motionless it was obvious that they had moved. The wind had been here, but where had it gone?
As she stood staring bewildered at the valley, she felt a change in the air, something was different, but she could not figure out what is was. She curled up in a ball and fell asleep on the hill, too scared of missing the wind again to go back to her bed.
When she woke in the morning she was startled to see a young man sitting not far from her, staring down into the valley.
Her jaw dropped, she was mesmerized. He was with a doubt the most beautiful man she had ever seen. She crawled over to him cautiously and stared. She wanted desperately to say something, to tell him her name, to learn his. She wanted to ask him why he was here and where he had come from. He wanted to know what he was thinking in that moment and in all of time. She wanted to know everything. She furrowed her brow in frustration and tried to think desperately of something to do, to make this ok, some kind of symbol to make him understand why all she did was stare. As she fought with herself and her decision the young man reached out and held her hand. He placed it on his heart and let her read it. She felt all his feelings and knew all she could ever know about another human being. She lifted his hand to her heart and let him do the same.
She was loved. He was loved. No language could ever replace the feeling of total contentment and unbelievable happiness that came with their silence.
They walked back to the castle and began piecing it back together, restoring it to it's original beauty. The princess was glad not to have to rule the kingdom alone anymore and was happy to share her life and her heart with her prince.
Together they had built a new life together, a beautiful and strong life... until one day, as the princess was out walking in the sun a light breeze kissed her cheek, then the breeze turned into a wind and the wind into the gale. She ran to the valley calling her prince as she ran and she found all her windmills turning and spinning with joy.
They held hands as they stood by the valley and they both knew then that it was the wind who had brought them together. Who had forced the prince into the princesses kingdom with its terrible howling gale.
Time went on and the princess couldn't have been happier, she felt her life was complete, she spent her days in her prince's arms and when she could find the time would skip down to the valley and talk to the wind and tell him how content she was and how she could never thank him enough for all he had brought her.
The wind however, was not so content. A little ball of resentment had been caught up in its breezes and every time the princess brought the prince down to the valley it got worse, and every day that passed without a visit from the princess it grew bigger. The ball grew and festered over time until eventually it took hold of him and he began blowing the princess and the prince around the kingdom.
The princess, sensing that something was wrong as her feet had barely touched the ground all day, went down to the valley and sat with the wind. She sat all afternoon and all night. The prince, worried, brought her down some food, and as the night wore on a blanket and then a pillow. He wanted to sleep on the hill with her but the wind howled loudly and violently every time the prince neared the valley.
She stayed on the hill for days, talking to the wind, reconnecting. The wind blew through her heart and told her of his pain and jealousy. She sat and waited, hours, days, weeks, as he told her of the trouble in his soul. Then, at the end of the 17th day he read in her soul what he had been searching for. He saw the flame, the undying, unfaltering love she had always had for him.
She went back to the castle and spent the night with her prince, she lay in his sleeping arms and wept. Just as the sun was making it's way into the sky she crept down the hill to the valley.
The wind greeted her cheek with a soft breezy kiss.
She stood on the edge of the valley and began to scream. She screamed silently and loudly, with love and with sorrow. She screamed into wind until slowly she began to dissolve. She screamed and her toes began to disappear, her finger tingled and drifted into nothingness. She was becoming one with the wind. She screamed and screamed until the last fragment of her mouth joined with the wind and they sailed together through the valley and out into the world.
When the prince awoke and saw his princess was gone he walked hesitantly down to the valley, he noted how eerily silent everything was, not even a creaking door. And when he reached the valley all he found a single windmill, standing motionless, waiting for him.
As she stood staring bewildered at the valley, she felt a change in the air, something was different, but she could not figure out what is was. She curled up in a ball and fell asleep on the hill, too scared of missing the wind again to go back to her bed.
When she woke in the morning she was startled to see a young man sitting not far from her, staring down into the valley.
Her jaw dropped, she was mesmerized. He was with a doubt the most beautiful man she had ever seen. She crawled over to him cautiously and stared. She wanted desperately to say something, to tell him her name, to learn his. She wanted to ask him why he was here and where he had come from. He wanted to know what he was thinking in that moment and in all of time. She wanted to know everything. She furrowed her brow in frustration and tried to think desperately of something to do, to make this ok, some kind of symbol to make him understand why all she did was stare. As she fought with herself and her decision the young man reached out and held her hand. He placed it on his heart and let her read it. She felt all his feelings and knew all she could ever know about another human being. She lifted his hand to her heart and let him do the same.
She was loved. He was loved. No language could ever replace the feeling of total contentment and unbelievable happiness that came with their silence.
They walked back to the castle and began piecing it back together, restoring it to it's original beauty. The princess was glad not to have to rule the kingdom alone anymore and was happy to share her life and her heart with her prince.
Together they had built a new life together, a beautiful and strong life... until one day, as the princess was out walking in the sun a light breeze kissed her cheek, then the breeze turned into a wind and the wind into the gale. She ran to the valley calling her prince as she ran and she found all her windmills turning and spinning with joy.
They held hands as they stood by the valley and they both knew then that it was the wind who had brought them together. Who had forced the prince into the princesses kingdom with its terrible howling gale.
Time went on and the princess couldn't have been happier, she felt her life was complete, she spent her days in her prince's arms and when she could find the time would skip down to the valley and talk to the wind and tell him how content she was and how she could never thank him enough for all he had brought her.
The wind however, was not so content. A little ball of resentment had been caught up in its breezes and every time the princess brought the prince down to the valley it got worse, and every day that passed without a visit from the princess it grew bigger. The ball grew and festered over time until eventually it took hold of him and he began blowing the princess and the prince around the kingdom.
The princess, sensing that something was wrong as her feet had barely touched the ground all day, went down to the valley and sat with the wind. She sat all afternoon and all night. The prince, worried, brought her down some food, and as the night wore on a blanket and then a pillow. He wanted to sleep on the hill with her but the wind howled loudly and violently every time the prince neared the valley.
She stayed on the hill for days, talking to the wind, reconnecting. The wind blew through her heart and told her of his pain and jealousy. She sat and waited, hours, days, weeks, as he told her of the trouble in his soul. Then, at the end of the 17th day he read in her soul what he had been searching for. He saw the flame, the undying, unfaltering love she had always had for him.
She went back to the castle and spent the night with her prince, she lay in his sleeping arms and wept. Just as the sun was making it's way into the sky she crept down the hill to the valley.
The wind greeted her cheek with a soft breezy kiss.
She stood on the edge of the valley and began to scream. She screamed silently and loudly, with love and with sorrow. She screamed into wind until slowly she began to dissolve. She screamed and her toes began to disappear, her finger tingled and drifted into nothingness. She was becoming one with the wind. She screamed and screamed until the last fragment of her mouth joined with the wind and they sailed together through the valley and out into the world.
When the prince awoke and saw his princess was gone he walked hesitantly down to the valley, he noted how eerily silent everything was, not even a creaking door. And when he reached the valley all he found a single windmill, standing motionless, waiting for him.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
part 1: tiny little windmills
I think you should tell me a story...
About how the wind blows through my life and my soul.
I think you should tell me a story...
About the life you want to lead and the prince you need to save you.
I want you to tell me a story...
About the prince who fell off his steed and how the princess was there to catch him
I need to hear a story..
A story about a heroic princess
Because I don't think the prince is coming.
There once was a princess who lived alone in a giant castle. She had no maids or knights, no country men. So she was the ruler of her life and her heart and she was self appointed.
She spent her days tending the garden and working the farm and the land. She took great pride in her kingdom although she was the only one who lived there.
Every day she would walk down into the valley and talk to the wind. She would let it read her heart and it would give her advice and keep her company. Sometimes when the wind was feeling jovial it would let the princess ride on its back and it would show her around the countryside and the nearby villages. Sometimes when the wind was feeling less than jovial it would blow so hard that the princess would be swept up and taken back to her castle.
Now, being the ruler of ones heart can be a difficult and grueling task, however the princess was living in isolation from any sort of heart confliction and therefore often forgot that her heart should need tending at all. The wind never forgot this though and often worried that if the princess left her heart untended it would wither and die, taking the princess with it. The wind knew the princess often found the company of others unbearable and frustrating as she spent the majority of her time in quiet solitude. The constant chattering of her kinsmen had begun to drive her to distraction and eventually she had withdrawn entirely, growing her own vegetables and grain in her kingdom, rather than visiting nearby villages.
One afternoon, as she sat with the wind in the valley the princess began to scream. The wind, who had never before heard the princesses voice, was deeply disturbed and did not understand what was happening to his princess.
The princess screamed and screamed, the sound of her voice echoing through the valley until at last she collapsed in a heap. Her voice drained, screamed away into the mountains that surrounded her, screamed away into nothingness, never to be heard again.
The wind decided it was time to do something, she needed help, she needed companions, she needed to be human before she screamed herself away into nothingness, until she screamed herself away into the wind.
So he left.
The princess visited the valley every day and every day there was nothing, not even the smallest breeze. Left alone in the gigantic kingdom without so much as a creaking door for company she began to make tiny paper windmills, she would carry them down to the valley and stick them in the ground, watching fascinated as they stood motionless.
Months passed, and the valley stood silently, covered in the tiny unmoving windmills the princess had made.
She wept her silent tears daily. Afraid that her only friend had left her for good. Confused about what she might have done to drive him away. She had lived alone her entire life but had only just discovered what is was like to feel loney. Her heart and soul were empty, she didn't want to be a princess anymore. She stopped working in her garden and stopped looking after the animals. She stayed inside the castle all day, sleeping and dreaming of a better place. The kingdom was in disarray.
to be continued...
About how the wind blows through my life and my soul.
I think you should tell me a story...
About the life you want to lead and the prince you need to save you.
I want you to tell me a story...
About the prince who fell off his steed and how the princess was there to catch him
I need to hear a story..
A story about a heroic princess
Because I don't think the prince is coming.
There once was a princess who lived alone in a giant castle. She had no maids or knights, no country men. So she was the ruler of her life and her heart and she was self appointed.
She spent her days tending the garden and working the farm and the land. She took great pride in her kingdom although she was the only one who lived there.
Every day she would walk down into the valley and talk to the wind. She would let it read her heart and it would give her advice and keep her company. Sometimes when the wind was feeling jovial it would let the princess ride on its back and it would show her around the countryside and the nearby villages. Sometimes when the wind was feeling less than jovial it would blow so hard that the princess would be swept up and taken back to her castle.
Now, being the ruler of ones heart can be a difficult and grueling task, however the princess was living in isolation from any sort of heart confliction and therefore often forgot that her heart should need tending at all. The wind never forgot this though and often worried that if the princess left her heart untended it would wither and die, taking the princess with it. The wind knew the princess often found the company of others unbearable and frustrating as she spent the majority of her time in quiet solitude. The constant chattering of her kinsmen had begun to drive her to distraction and eventually she had withdrawn entirely, growing her own vegetables and grain in her kingdom, rather than visiting nearby villages.
One afternoon, as she sat with the wind in the valley the princess began to scream. The wind, who had never before heard the princesses voice, was deeply disturbed and did not understand what was happening to his princess.
The princess screamed and screamed, the sound of her voice echoing through the valley until at last she collapsed in a heap. Her voice drained, screamed away into the mountains that surrounded her, screamed away into nothingness, never to be heard again.
The wind decided it was time to do something, she needed help, she needed companions, she needed to be human before she screamed herself away into nothingness, until she screamed herself away into the wind.
So he left.
The princess visited the valley every day and every day there was nothing, not even the smallest breeze. Left alone in the gigantic kingdom without so much as a creaking door for company she began to make tiny paper windmills, she would carry them down to the valley and stick them in the ground, watching fascinated as they stood motionless.
Months passed, and the valley stood silently, covered in the tiny unmoving windmills the princess had made.
She wept her silent tears daily. Afraid that her only friend had left her for good. Confused about what she might have done to drive him away. She had lived alone her entire life but had only just discovered what is was like to feel loney. Her heart and soul were empty, she didn't want to be a princess anymore. She stopped working in her garden and stopped looking after the animals. She stayed inside the castle all day, sleeping and dreaming of a better place. The kingdom was in disarray.
to be continued...
Friday, January 22, 2010
i'm on the leaderboard
When I was 17 I was sure my boyfriend was the only one for me.
When I was 17 my friends and I spoke everyday. In person, on the phone and via the internet.
When I was 17 I had only just started making mistakes.
When I was 17 I had my mother to look after me.
When I was 17 I could ask for advice on every little thing that happened in my life.
When I was 17 everyone in the world had time for me.
When I was 17 the world had time for me.
I'm alone and isolated and confused and unloved. I want to have that feeling again, that absolute certainty that my friends are the best friends I could ever have and that they will be there for me for the rest of my life, that the boy who I love loves me unconditionally and that we will spend the rest of our lives together, I want to know that I can do anything I set my mind to, that I am intelligent and creative and constantly challenged.
I want the fear to go away. The fear that I'll spend the rest of my life reaching out to people I've lost in my life. The fear that I'm not worthy and that I'll be alone forever.
Dear Old E-mails,
i love you,
Thank you for surprising me yesterday, I hadn't thought about you for a long time and I was definitely not expecting you to come over. It's been such a long time since I've sat down and talked about the past. I'd forgotten how close we were and how much time we used to spend together. I wish We could be like we used to be, life was simpler and more exciting then. We were constantly making plans to go places, to visit friends and do things together.
Part of me is happy to have these memories to share... another part of me can't help but mourn a life we can never have again. How did we get so distant?
I think I'll always love you for the memories I have, even if I know that we will never have the same relationship we once had. I wish I knew how I could find my way back to you.
Maybe I should open a new email account, and make new memories...
Maybe the old ones are better,
(L)
When I was 17 my friends and I spoke everyday. In person, on the phone and via the internet.
When I was 17 I had only just started making mistakes.
When I was 17 I had my mother to look after me.
When I was 17 I could ask for advice on every little thing that happened in my life.
When I was 17 everyone in the world had time for me.
When I was 17 the world had time for me.
I'm alone and isolated and confused and unloved. I want to have that feeling again, that absolute certainty that my friends are the best friends I could ever have and that they will be there for me for the rest of my life, that the boy who I love loves me unconditionally and that we will spend the rest of our lives together, I want to know that I can do anything I set my mind to, that I am intelligent and creative and constantly challenged.
I want the fear to go away. The fear that I'll spend the rest of my life reaching out to people I've lost in my life. The fear that I'm not worthy and that I'll be alone forever.
Dear Old E-mails,
i love you,
Thank you for surprising me yesterday, I hadn't thought about you for a long time and I was definitely not expecting you to come over. It's been such a long time since I've sat down and talked about the past. I'd forgotten how close we were and how much time we used to spend together. I wish We could be like we used to be, life was simpler and more exciting then. We were constantly making plans to go places, to visit friends and do things together.
Part of me is happy to have these memories to share... another part of me can't help but mourn a life we can never have again. How did we get so distant?
I think I'll always love you for the memories I have, even if I know that we will never have the same relationship we once had. I wish I knew how I could find my way back to you.
Maybe I should open a new email account, and make new memories...
Maybe the old ones are better,
(L)
Friday, January 1, 2010
new post
write something write something write something.
its the first of January 2010. I'm moving backwards... maybe I won't make the same mistakes this time round, maybe I'll make them worse. it doesn't really matter, I'm back either way.
Dear Photographs,
i love you
You remind me of all the special people and moments in my life. Having you around makes me feel loved and important and like I've actually lived this life I seem to be fumbling through.
Whenever I'm feeling lost or alone you're there to remind me that things have been great and will be great again. Sure, we have some painful memories, you've hurt me and made me cry, but I love you, and our good memories far outweigh our bad. And even though you've put on a bit of weight in the last few years it doesn't matter, it just means there's more of you to love.
infinitely more,
(L)
its the first of January 2010. I'm moving backwards... maybe I won't make the same mistakes this time round, maybe I'll make them worse. it doesn't really matter, I'm back either way.
Dear Photographs,
i love you
You remind me of all the special people and moments in my life. Having you around makes me feel loved and important and like I've actually lived this life I seem to be fumbling through.
Whenever I'm feeling lost or alone you're there to remind me that things have been great and will be great again. Sure, we have some painful memories, you've hurt me and made me cry, but I love you, and our good memories far outweigh our bad. And even though you've put on a bit of weight in the last few years it doesn't matter, it just means there's more of you to love.
infinitely more,
(L)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
behind the tiny door was a tiny girl
I sat alone that night. I had a cup of tea and a strong feeling that things were too hard go up against. A feeling that if I fought for the life, the freedom and the happiness I felt were lacking in my life that I would lose... and in doing so lose the last glimmer of my hopes.
The wind howled outside and rattled at my new home. I felt safe though, just me, my bed and the four walls of my room.
We sat together, my bed and I. We listened to my life beating against the walls desperate to get in and we decided not to let it.
I turned the key in the door and it clicked. I boarded up the windows and pulled the sheets up around my ears. I wanted to block out everything around me.
It was so peaceful there, my green sheets and soft pillows. I felt safe and for the first time in my life I no longer felt afraid.
This was my new home, and life couldn't get in.
We stayed that way for a very long time, just me, my bed and the four walls and we were very happy together.
Things weren't so calm on the outside though. Through the boards on my windows I could see the thick dark clouds and the heavy rains. The trees tore at the boards of the house, trying to claw their way in. All the elements conspired against me... Every now and then the ground would shake and I would worry that I would be exposed. I screamed at the wind and it screamed back. I yelled at the thunder and it yelled back, louder and more forceful.
It must be said, however, that not all elements were acting with malice or ill intent. There was kindness behind some of the acts, genuine concern for my decision of reclusion, hermitisation. The sun waltzed through the cracks in the boards taunting me to join it in its dance, the breeze knocked playfully at my door asking me to follow it back to my life. I knew I had left behind many things that I loved, but simply more things that scared me, betrayed me and disappointed me.
So I sat.
Dear Love,
i love you,
Find your way through the cracks in my windows or with the light that sneaks in under my door. Find your way to me and fill my empty heart.
It's worthless without its counterpart
(L)
The wind howled outside and rattled at my new home. I felt safe though, just me, my bed and the four walls of my room.
We sat together, my bed and I. We listened to my life beating against the walls desperate to get in and we decided not to let it.
I turned the key in the door and it clicked. I boarded up the windows and pulled the sheets up around my ears. I wanted to block out everything around me.
It was so peaceful there, my green sheets and soft pillows. I felt safe and for the first time in my life I no longer felt afraid.
This was my new home, and life couldn't get in.
We stayed that way for a very long time, just me, my bed and the four walls and we were very happy together.
Things weren't so calm on the outside though. Through the boards on my windows I could see the thick dark clouds and the heavy rains. The trees tore at the boards of the house, trying to claw their way in. All the elements conspired against me... Every now and then the ground would shake and I would worry that I would be exposed. I screamed at the wind and it screamed back. I yelled at the thunder and it yelled back, louder and more forceful.
It must be said, however, that not all elements were acting with malice or ill intent. There was kindness behind some of the acts, genuine concern for my decision of reclusion, hermitisation. The sun waltzed through the cracks in the boards taunting me to join it in its dance, the breeze knocked playfully at my door asking me to follow it back to my life. I knew I had left behind many things that I loved, but simply more things that scared me, betrayed me and disappointed me.
So I sat.
Dear Love,
i love you,
Find your way through the cracks in my windows or with the light that sneaks in under my door. Find your way to me and fill my empty heart.
It's worthless without its counterpart
(L)
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