i kneed you!

I'm in love.

There is a happiness in my life and instead of being the lonely heart inside my chest it is a pair of hearts on my knees.

These little hearts can traipse around the world with me from country to city and still bring a smile to my dial. I will never have a lonely heart now that it has two new friends to sit on my knees and discuss the weather, politics and of course, romance.

The three little hearts will be best friends and I hope that it's a love that never wears thin.

The best leggings for a lovely winter

(L)

one girl one boi and one big ass ocean

There once lived a boy and there once lived a girl and between them lived a ginormous ocean.

They didn't know about each other, the lives that were lived on the opposite shores. They each thought the ocean was their own special place, they had a great and deep love for it which they never really understood but every morning when they went swimming they felt as though they were part of something greater, something important, something that made a life worth living. Something to do with love.
And so they loved their ocean and their waves and their fish and yet they didn't know yet that they loved each other.
One day the girl grew curious about the other side of the ocean, she knew it had to exist but it seemed so strange to her to think that there was a part of her beloved which she did not know. And so she started swimming. Everyday she would swim as far as she could out into the endless sea, never really getting anywhere near the other side, for this sea was infinite and endless and limitless. One day, feeling horribly frustrated with her lack of progress the girl swam, and swam and swam until she couldn't physically swim anymore, she was lost in its immensity and had nothing inside her to get her home, no energy, no intensity.
Her fish came to her and asked her why she had stopped swimming and why she was letting herself float deeper down into the water, she was too tired to explain that she'd used all her energy just to get here and could no longer keep herself afloat... and the only word she could think of was 'love'. And the fish understood because the fish had always known, to them the ocean had so many limits and to the fish the the boy and girl were the ocean. so they carried her on the back of their school to his ocean. But the fish forgot, as fish often do, that humans need air and cannot breathe through the gills they do not have. And so they carried her all the way there only so she could see with her last breath the boy she had always loved and always known but never met.
And he saw her the girl he had dreamed of and wished for as she vanished under a wave, and his heart ached, and the beach grew cold, and the water icier and icier. The sky darkened and the beauty disappeared and the water froze... As did the girl, as did the boys heart.
The boy was so lost, as she was lost. The one he had spent his life waiting to meet was gone...
There was only one place the boys heart did not ache and that was when he was on the ocean and so he spent his days there skating, skiing, playing ice hockey... Letting the icicles numb his pain.
He sat every day and told the ocean stories, about his life his friends his love and his loss. And she heard it all, from somewhere deep inside the ice and although she was still frozen her heart began to melt.... and he felt a change, he knew she was still there waiting for him as he had always waited for her and so began his quest to warm the ocean.
He covered it in electric blankets, made it pots of tea. He tried using a magnifying glass... He bought a hair dryer, poured kettle after kettle of boiling water over it. He even tried switching to aerosol deodorant to try and increase the speed of global warming. But despite all his efforts he saw no results.

But things had changed. The girl, burried deep in the ice, had seen all he had done to try and save her and her heart burned with desire and love and lust and hope and intensity. And the ice was melting, and although the boy could not see it from the shore she knew it was only a matter of time before she was free.
And one day, as he sat by the ocean telling a story about his old friend the whale who had disappeared during the great ice-over he realised how warm it was, he saw that the sun was shinning and could see for the first time the changes that had been going on underneath the sea. He ran out on the ice in his big woolen socks until he found the weakest point of the ice and he began jumping and he jumped and jumped and the cracks began and the cracks spread and all of a sudden he was falling through the ice and he let himself sink down deeper and deeper until he was by her side. And they smiled. and the ocean thawed.
They were together and that was that. They and the ocean were at peace.

And they drowned... but they did it happily.

a cloudy day

There's always something worth crying over.
Sometimes I like to sit in front of the mirror and think about all the horrible things going on in my life. I like to watch my face change; the subtle changes at first, then more dramatic. Sometimes my face will not change at all and the tears will begin streaming from a serene face.
Watching yourself in those moments of weakness... No, watching yourself in those moments of strength can do strange things to you. I often find myself feeling stronger, more determined to change, to fix the things that are wrong. To find the cause of my pains and overcome them. I think this is because when we see people we love cry we are compelled to help them, to cure them. When it's yourself that you are seeing this feeling seems magnified, expanded, urgent... perhaps.







Dear Tear Drops,

i love you
You are beauty; you inspire courage, empathy, sympathy, vulnerability & honesty.
Sometimes you betray me, tell others things I would have rather kept to myself. At these times I fight to hold you back, to stop you from blurting out my true feelings to the world. I know that you don't do this viciously, you simply believe in truth, especially when emotions are involved, and I find this sincerity arresting, overwhelmingly gorgeous.
You are beautiful in many ways, in your fluidity, the smooth and graceful way you roll through life. You are a constant comfort to me, you always hold the answers to my problems and aid me through moments of intense and utter sorrow.
We've been spending a lot of time together lately. You seem to have an innate ability to sense when I am lonely and visit me then. You sit with me through the pain and become my companion in loneliness.
You and I have a private love, a love that is more earnest then anything I have ever felt. You have a way of looking at me, straight in the eyes, that touches me more than anything. When you stare at me like this I imagine that you are sitting inside my brain reading my thoughts and pouring your profound serenity through the wells in my eyes.

Come sit with me,
(L)

i'm not sorry

I often find myself waiting for apologies or waiting for the moment I'm allowed to forgive someone for hurting me. I don't like being angry at people, especially people I value. But the apologies don't always come, or else they come and they're not what I was expecting, they seem hollow. I can see right through them to the insincere face delivering them. These transparent words hurt the worst I think, because I've been hanging out to release my forgiveness and make amends and then I end up more confused and wounded then I was originally.
I want to forgive everyone, but I don't think that they all deserve it. And I don't want people to walk all over me because they know I can't hold a very good grudge.





Dear Apologies,

i love you
You fix things, mend my wounds, heal my heart. Your attention surprises me and often causes my cheeks to light up in shades of pink and red.
You always speak to me so tenderly and always to heartfelt - You take my aching heart in your hands and nurture it into love, courage and most importantly, forgiveness.
You are the angel of my life, you come to me when I am feeling hurt or betrayed and you lift that sorrow from me and free me into a new world.
But Apology, the last time we hung out your words were empty. Your usual affect was lost on me, I felt more hurt and more betrayed by our last encounter than I have felt from any betrayal. I think you were being selfish, I think you were TRYING to get the forgiveness without much emphasis on the foreplay, and I'm sorry but the pain is too deep for forgiveness, I don't think it's mendable, not unless you can be the best Apology you've ever been... And I don't think you care enough to try.
It really hurts me when I'm waiting for certain things to be done or to be said so I can make a mends with you, but knowing at the same times these things will never occur.
I don't think you could understand how much you've hurt me because I don't understand it myself.
Please don't try to apologise again,

It only hurts me,
(L)