I'm holding my breath, waiting for the world to explode, for everything I have, I love, I hold sacred, to erupt into flames and be obliterated.
I'm holding my breath waiting for the ache in my heart that is inevitably going to crush my chest when I'm the only one left on this planet.
I'm 50/50; 50% sure the world will end... afraid, terrified, struggling to hold onto those precious things I cannot live without, and 50% sure I'm being a little girl, afraid for all the wrong reasons, looking at all the wrong signs, seeing an explosion where there's really just a light breeze and a walk in the sun.
Someone tell me I'm just being silly - someone convince me that its all in my head, that good things are on their way.
Someone give me a reason to breathe.
Dear Life,
i love you
but give me a hint, tell me which way I should go. There's so much going on at the moment that I think I've quit. I wish I hadn't, I keep trying to fight it, to un-quit(?).
Life, you're confusing me. I love you, but do you love me? And what are we doing together? Did we really think it would work?
I love spending time with you and everything but you're just hurting me at the moment. I can't stop thinking about what we should do. I don't want to leave you but you just keep handing me these ultimatums and I just keep ignoring them.
Where will I end up if we keep playing these games?
Give me a hint,
(L)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
new shrapnel & nose bleeds
Today my bed is my sanctuary from the relentless winds carrying on with their tantrums outside the walls of my little home. These winds are threatening to take me and my little dog too off to the land of OZ. I'm not in the mood to wet witches or search for courage, love or my brain. Today I'll wait for these things to come to me. I just want to sit here, under my blanket like a kid huddling in the middle of a thunder storm waiting to be swept away. Pretending not to be afraid.
Dear Winds,
i love you
The thing about you is that you never stay long. I know our time together is precious and I scramble to steal you for as long as possible, to make the most of what time we do have.
I trap memories of you in my mind and can recall them on whims.
Your ridiculously loud laughter, playing chase-ies around the house, I hear the doors creek as you sneak into a room, the curtain sway from you passing through. I could chase you all day, following the signs you leave behind. But you are impossible to catch, I never seem to be able to wrap my arms around you and say 'gotcha' you're too elusive, I'm not sure that you will ever truly be mine.
But it's impossible for me to hide from you, you can sneak up on me, find me no matter how well I hide. I like hiding from you, and looking for you... although all I ever see is the swaying of the trees you pass by.
Stay a while?
(L)
Dear Winds,
i love you
The thing about you is that you never stay long. I know our time together is precious and I scramble to steal you for as long as possible, to make the most of what time we do have.
I trap memories of you in my mind and can recall them on whims.
Your ridiculously loud laughter, playing chase-ies around the house, I hear the doors creek as you sneak into a room, the curtain sway from you passing through. I could chase you all day, following the signs you leave behind. But you are impossible to catch, I never seem to be able to wrap my arms around you and say 'gotcha' you're too elusive, I'm not sure that you will ever truly be mine.
But it's impossible for me to hide from you, you can sneak up on me, find me no matter how well I hide. I like hiding from you, and looking for you... although all I ever see is the swaying of the trees you pass by.
Stay a while?
(L)
Friday, November 21, 2008
booze & boiz
I sit beside myself with everything in between.
I sit beside myself with nothing to prove,
with clean sheets,
with dirty hair,
a box of chocolates,
and a life.
My life.
Dear Sleep,
i love you
Last night I waited in my bed for you. I waited all night long.
Normally you come swiftly, sweeping me away from my tiring thoughts and repetitive inner monologue to our special world, the world where nothing exists but you and me.
But last night I was alone, alone in the dark with my thoughts and my nightmares, monsters crept around my windows and strange howling winds threatened the cocoon that sheltered me and my thoughts.
Sleep, I need you. The night alone left me feeling scattered and shaky. It had such a dramatic impact on me. I found it hard to operate all day today.
It's simple, without you I'm a complete mess, utterly hopeless.
All the nights I spend with you I never tired of your company or get irritated with your words. It's like I begin a time-warp when you enter my room, my bed, my head. My time with you is never wasted and always cut short, time with you is priceless, is necessary and is as hard to quit as any drug.
After hanging out with you I feel refreshed, awakened and alive.
Please never leave me alone for a whole night again, it scares me. Worries me. Fills me with angst and frustration.
Thoughts of you distract me from my work, often when I'm doing assignments or watching a movie I am consumed with thoughts of you that carry me away from the tasks I am attempting and take me into your arms. Other nights I lay in my bed and wait for you to come to me.
I wait for you every night, and always will.
Sweet dreams,
(L)
I sit beside myself with nothing to prove,
with clean sheets,
with dirty hair,
a box of chocolates,
and a life.
My life.
Dear Sleep,
i love you
Last night I waited in my bed for you. I waited all night long.
Normally you come swiftly, sweeping me away from my tiring thoughts and repetitive inner monologue to our special world, the world where nothing exists but you and me.
But last night I was alone, alone in the dark with my thoughts and my nightmares, monsters crept around my windows and strange howling winds threatened the cocoon that sheltered me and my thoughts.
Sleep, I need you. The night alone left me feeling scattered and shaky. It had such a dramatic impact on me. I found it hard to operate all day today.
It's simple, without you I'm a complete mess, utterly hopeless.
All the nights I spend with you I never tired of your company or get irritated with your words. It's like I begin a time-warp when you enter my room, my bed, my head. My time with you is never wasted and always cut short, time with you is priceless, is necessary and is as hard to quit as any drug.
After hanging out with you I feel refreshed, awakened and alive.
Please never leave me alone for a whole night again, it scares me. Worries me. Fills me with angst and frustration.
Thoughts of you distract me from my work, often when I'm doing assignments or watching a movie I am consumed with thoughts of you that carry me away from the tasks I am attempting and take me into your arms. Other nights I lay in my bed and wait for you to come to me.
I wait for you every night, and always will.
Sweet dreams,
(L)
Monday, November 17, 2008
the story teller
There once was a boy who worked too little and was bummed and sad. He wanted to work but for some reason no one needed his help, he wandered the world confused and disheartened, looking for meaning and help and guidance and the truth behind all those questions life throws at you with no intention of answering.
One day the boy found that he had wandered back to the beginning of his journey and there people welcomed him and many a celebration were had in honor of his return, this made the boy happy but he did not feel content here, this was no longer his home despite all the friends he had made and he returned to his wanderings now not only in search of answers but in search of a place where he could belong.
He settled his pack down by a river and looked out over a small river city nestled over the hill and watched the lights of the city and the light from the stars dancing on the water and he felt peace in his heart.
He slept there the night, under the lights of the city and under the light from the stars and dreamed he was dancing on the water with them.
When morning came and he awoke he was happy and knew that he could not leave this place of lights and dancing and he picked up his pack and walked down into the city.
It welcomed him almost graciously and set him to work, not one, not two, but three jobs.
The boy was happy that his life had found some meaning and happy that he had found his home, he began working and planning and seeing his life in front of him just as he had always dreamed. during the day he would work and during the night he would dance on the water.
But slowly his work dragged him down and he would stumble home exhausted - too tired to dance or to look out the window at the lights. He closed his blinds and tried to sleep the night away so he could be rejuvenated for working the next day.
The boy had one day a week off and on this day he would rest and sit inside away from the lights and rock out on guitar hero.
The boy was still happy even though he was exhausted and tired and cranky most of the time until one day, this boy fell ill.
He was sweating and feverish. He felt deathly cold to himself and deathly hot to everyone else.
No one knew what to do and all feared. People came from all over the river city to visit him and try their best to cure him. In time word spread to all the people he had met in his wanderings and hey traveled far to see the boy and to try and diagnose him or to cure him.
Although the boy had not declined he had not gotten any better until one night he fell into a fevered sleep and began dreaming of his life, he dreamt of the night he spend under the stars and felt the cool breeze against his cheek and the smell of the water as it was lifted from the river by the wind and carried to him. When he opened his eyes he saw the stars above his head and the lights from the city were again sparkling in the river.
Next to him was a young girl who sat staring at the stars.
'lets go dancing' she whispered to the night, to the stars, the river and the city lights.
The boy and the girl danced on the river and danced with the river and he remembered why he had felt so content.
He danced all night long until the stars disappeared into the light of the sky and he continued to dance on his exhausted feet all the way home.
Everyone was excited to see the boy out of bed and in such high spirits that they partied for several days all of them wanting to know what had cured him and how. As time passed they all returned to their homes and the boy returned to his jobs but every night on his way home he would look to the stars, the lights and the river and feel that peace again.
the end.
Dear Stories,
i love you
Beginning, middle and end.
that is all
(L)
One day the boy found that he had wandered back to the beginning of his journey and there people welcomed him and many a celebration were had in honor of his return, this made the boy happy but he did not feel content here, this was no longer his home despite all the friends he had made and he returned to his wanderings now not only in search of answers but in search of a place where he could belong.
He settled his pack down by a river and looked out over a small river city nestled over the hill and watched the lights of the city and the light from the stars dancing on the water and he felt peace in his heart.
He slept there the night, under the lights of the city and under the light from the stars and dreamed he was dancing on the water with them.
When morning came and he awoke he was happy and knew that he could not leave this place of lights and dancing and he picked up his pack and walked down into the city.
It welcomed him almost graciously and set him to work, not one, not two, but three jobs.
The boy was happy that his life had found some meaning and happy that he had found his home, he began working and planning and seeing his life in front of him just as he had always dreamed. during the day he would work and during the night he would dance on the water.
But slowly his work dragged him down and he would stumble home exhausted - too tired to dance or to look out the window at the lights. He closed his blinds and tried to sleep the night away so he could be rejuvenated for working the next day.
The boy had one day a week off and on this day he would rest and sit inside away from the lights and rock out on guitar hero.
The boy was still happy even though he was exhausted and tired and cranky most of the time until one day, this boy fell ill.
He was sweating and feverish. He felt deathly cold to himself and deathly hot to everyone else.
No one knew what to do and all feared. People came from all over the river city to visit him and try their best to cure him. In time word spread to all the people he had met in his wanderings and hey traveled far to see the boy and to try and diagnose him or to cure him.
Although the boy had not declined he had not gotten any better until one night he fell into a fevered sleep and began dreaming of his life, he dreamt of the night he spend under the stars and felt the cool breeze against his cheek and the smell of the water as it was lifted from the river by the wind and carried to him. When he opened his eyes he saw the stars above his head and the lights from the city were again sparkling in the river.
Next to him was a young girl who sat staring at the stars.
'lets go dancing' she whispered to the night, to the stars, the river and the city lights.
The boy and the girl danced on the river and danced with the river and he remembered why he had felt so content.
He danced all night long until the stars disappeared into the light of the sky and he continued to dance on his exhausted feet all the way home.
Everyone was excited to see the boy out of bed and in such high spirits that they partied for several days all of them wanting to know what had cured him and how. As time passed they all returned to their homes and the boy returned to his jobs but every night on his way home he would look to the stars, the lights and the river and feel that peace again.
the end.
Dear Stories,
i love you
Beginning, middle and end.
that is all
(L)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
somersaults
I'm worn out, I think it's end of year blues or something. I'm not sure that I've ever felt this lost before, or this alone.
I'll continue to push people away. Others seem to be determined to push me, which is fine I suppose. Everyone has their reasons for keeping things an arms length away, some times further.
My tummy hurts at the moment from all the somersaulting I've been making it do and my heart is confused and angry and tormented and saddened by all. by nothing. by everything. by you. by me.
Dear Flash,
i love you
Your love burns me like a fire burning my heart into black cinders. I long to spend every minute with you, staring at you for hours and never feeling satisfied but always content.
You made my dreams come true, you helped me learn amazing new things and spent everyday at my house helping me not to fail tafe.
Everyday was just too much though my dear... Whenever we hang out we end up cooped inside listening to music. We stay up all night together, which is lovely but doesn't feel so great the next day. You know that I care about you but I just need a break for a while. I'm sorry, I hope this doesn't come as too much of a shock. It's just sometimes you wear me out a little and I'd just like some space to be on my own. Sometime to enjoy my life and the summer days outside.
I hope you understand.
(L)
I'll continue to push people away. Others seem to be determined to push me, which is fine I suppose. Everyone has their reasons for keeping things an arms length away, some times further.
My tummy hurts at the moment from all the somersaulting I've been making it do and my heart is confused and angry and tormented and saddened by all. by nothing. by everything. by you. by me.
Dear Flash,
i love you
Your love burns me like a fire burning my heart into black cinders. I long to spend every minute with you, staring at you for hours and never feeling satisfied but always content.
You made my dreams come true, you helped me learn amazing new things and spent everyday at my house helping me not to fail tafe.
Everyday was just too much though my dear... Whenever we hang out we end up cooped inside listening to music. We stay up all night together, which is lovely but doesn't feel so great the next day. You know that I care about you but I just need a break for a while. I'm sorry, I hope this doesn't come as too much of a shock. It's just sometimes you wear me out a little and I'd just like some space to be on my own. Sometime to enjoy my life and the summer days outside.
I hope you understand.
(L)
Saturday, November 15, 2008
who would dream about shaving guinea pigs?
For days I've been thinking about my next post, trying to decide what the next love that will grace this page will be and I have not been able to think of anything.
I don't feel love and I don't feel loved.
It's hard to keep your eye on the prize when you don't know where or what the prize is. Just a long meaningless life with many disappointments and lost friends.
Dear Odd Shoes,
i love you
I saw you at the pub on Friday night, you and your odd shoes. Checkered on one foot, black and something or rather on the other. I thought to myself, 'goodness that is cool, I could definitely go for a guy who wears odd shoes.'
I didn't talk to you though, I'm not sure why. I talked to plenty of other guys but you and your shoes intimidated me a little. I think you were wearing a love heart necklace too.
I don't know many boys who wear odd shoes and love heart necklaces, I guess I didn't talk to you because I cared whether or not you talked back, usually this is of little consequence to me.
I left the pub, I was rather drunk I think and I hung around the front like vomit hangs around the Newie and I saw you, sitting across the street on the steps looking at me. Waiting for me?
me and my odd earrings?
my matching shoes?
Thank you for walking me home,
And thank you for waiting,
(L)
I don't feel love and I don't feel loved.
It's hard to keep your eye on the prize when you don't know where or what the prize is. Just a long meaningless life with many disappointments and lost friends.
Dear Odd Shoes,
i love you
I saw you at the pub on Friday night, you and your odd shoes. Checkered on one foot, black and something or rather on the other. I thought to myself, 'goodness that is cool, I could definitely go for a guy who wears odd shoes.'
I didn't talk to you though, I'm not sure why. I talked to plenty of other guys but you and your shoes intimidated me a little. I think you were wearing a love heart necklace too.
I don't know many boys who wear odd shoes and love heart necklaces, I guess I didn't talk to you because I cared whether or not you talked back, usually this is of little consequence to me.
I left the pub, I was rather drunk I think and I hung around the front like vomit hangs around the Newie and I saw you, sitting across the street on the steps looking at me. Waiting for me?
me and my odd earrings?
my matching shoes?
Thank you for walking me home,
And thank you for waiting,
(L)
Monday, November 10, 2008
super fly
A late night phone call.
A knock on my door.
A booty call?
No.
I was sitting quietly on my bed, abusing myself internally for the lack of productive flashing that was again the torment of my evening. Entourage has raped me of my freedom and I spend night after painful night watching Vinnie Chase get laid and make millions of $$$ while I slowly kill any chance of passing my TAFE course... and subsequently any chance of my being accepted into University next year. A painful cycle.
My phone rang, a small voice offering a late night surprise was on the other end of the line and I was happy, and I stayed that way for the rest of the night.
Thanks friends, for the jokes, the songs, the dancing, the guitar, the treats, the bruises and the memories.
Dear Midnight Soft Serves,
i love you
You are so sweet and when you kiss me they are the softest iciest kisses I have ever felt. When I hold you to my lips I feel more satisfaction than I have in such a long time.
I know that you feel the same way about me too because I see how my kisses and the soft meaningful strokes of my tongue melt you. Knowing that I have this affect on you causes my mouth to split open into the largest smile ever seen on a smitten girl, because you have the same affect on my heart. I'm still smiling now, I can't stop.
I wasn't expecting your visit last night, it was so lovely to see your pale smiling face and to hold you so tenderly in my hands.
I slipped your jacket from your shoulders and we made love there in the hallway.
Sorry, I couldn't wait,
(L)
A knock on my door.
A booty call?
No.
I was sitting quietly on my bed, abusing myself internally for the lack of productive flashing that was again the torment of my evening. Entourage has raped me of my freedom and I spend night after painful night watching Vinnie Chase get laid and make millions of $$$ while I slowly kill any chance of passing my TAFE course... and subsequently any chance of my being accepted into University next year. A painful cycle.
My phone rang, a small voice offering a late night surprise was on the other end of the line and I was happy, and I stayed that way for the rest of the night.
Thanks friends, for the jokes, the songs, the dancing, the guitar, the treats, the bruises and the memories.
Dear Midnight Soft Serves,
i love you
You are so sweet and when you kiss me they are the softest iciest kisses I have ever felt. When I hold you to my lips I feel more satisfaction than I have in such a long time.
I know that you feel the same way about me too because I see how my kisses and the soft meaningful strokes of my tongue melt you. Knowing that I have this affect on you causes my mouth to split open into the largest smile ever seen on a smitten girl, because you have the same affect on my heart. I'm still smiling now, I can't stop.
I wasn't expecting your visit last night, it was so lovely to see your pale smiling face and to hold you so tenderly in my hands.
I slipped your jacket from your shoulders and we made love there in the hallway.
Sorry, I couldn't wait,
(L)
Friday, November 7, 2008
one month
Hi.
Hi.
How are you?
Yeah I'm good... How are you?
Yeah, good, bit hot.
I cant believe how hot it is today
Yeah it sucks.
So, what are you doing today?
This.
Yeah me too, then I've got an assignment
Oh that's shit, whats it on?
its a 2000 word essay on middle eastern politics.
Whoa, heavy!
Yeah its shit. haven't done any of the readings.
Serious? When's it due?
Tomorrow
Fuck.
Yeah.
'what did he say?' 'who are u messaging?' 'write hi from me'
How are you?
Yeah I'm good... How are you?
Yeah, good, bit hot.
I cant believe how hot it is today
Yeah it sucks.
So, what are you doing today?
This.
Yeah me too, then I've got an assignment
Oh that's shit, whats it on?
its a 2000 word essay on middle eastern politics.
Whoa, heavy!
Yeah its shit. haven't done any of the readings.
Serious? When's it due?
Tomorrow
Fuck.
Yeah.
'what did he say?' 'who are u messaging?' 'write hi from me'
Dear Texts,
i love you
I hate:
- Sitting around making chit chat with people I don't know
- Asking questions I honestly don't care about hearing the answer to
- Making awkward eye contact when I'm out by myself
- Seeing 1000 people I know when I don't feel like talking/being polite
- Being interrogated by drunk people who have forgotten the concept of personal space
- Not having a pen and paper when I'm bored
- Awkward silences
You say things that make me giggle, but I try and laugh quietly and conservatively, so as not to raise the curiosity of those surrounding us, not acquire their attention and intrigued gazes.
I don't like it when people ask me about you, look over our shoulders and try to see what we are doing.
Sometimes I'll wait an entire day just to see you and won't, sometimes I'll forget you're coming over and leave you standing at the door for hours. But I ALWAYS enjoy seeing you, even when you just visit to tell me my credit balance
I love: You,
(L)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
a cloudy day
There's always something worth crying over.
Sometimes I like to sit in front of the mirror and think about all the horrible things going on in my life. I like to watch my face change; the subtle changes at first, then more dramatic. Sometimes my face will not change at all and the tears will begin streaming from a serene face.
Watching yourself in those moments of weakness... No, watching yourself in those moments of strength can do strange things to you. I often find myself feeling stronger, more determined to change, to fix the things that are wrong. To find the cause of my pains and overcome them. I think this is because when we see people we love cry we are compelled to help them, to cure them. When it's yourself that you are seeing this feeling seems magnified, expanded, urgent... perhaps.
Dear Tear Drops,
i love you
You are beauty; you inspire courage, empathy, sympathy, vulnerability & honesty.
Sometimes you betray me, tell others things I would have rather kept to myself. At these times I fight to hold you back, to stop you from blurting out my true feelings to the world. I know that you don't do this viciously, you simply believe in truth, especially when emotions are involved, and I find this sincerity arresting, overwhelmingly gorgeous.
You are beautiful in many ways, in your fluidity, the smooth and graceful way you roll through life. You are a constant comfort to me, you always hold the answers to my problems and aid me through moments of intense and utter sorrow.
We've been spending a lot of time together lately. You seem to have an innate ability to sense when I am lonely and visit me then. You sit with me through the pain and become my companion in loneliness.
You and I have a private love, a love that is more earnest then anything I have ever felt. You have a way of looking at me, straight in the eyes, that touches me more than anything. When you stare at me like this I imagine that you are sitting inside my brain reading my thoughts and pouring your profound serenity through the wells in my eyes.
Come sit with me,
(L)
Sometimes I like to sit in front of the mirror and think about all the horrible things going on in my life. I like to watch my face change; the subtle changes at first, then more dramatic. Sometimes my face will not change at all and the tears will begin streaming from a serene face.
Watching yourself in those moments of weakness... No, watching yourself in those moments of strength can do strange things to you. I often find myself feeling stronger, more determined to change, to fix the things that are wrong. To find the cause of my pains and overcome them. I think this is because when we see people we love cry we are compelled to help them, to cure them. When it's yourself that you are seeing this feeling seems magnified, expanded, urgent... perhaps.
Dear Tear Drops,
i love you
You are beauty; you inspire courage, empathy, sympathy, vulnerability & honesty.
Sometimes you betray me, tell others things I would have rather kept to myself. At these times I fight to hold you back, to stop you from blurting out my true feelings to the world. I know that you don't do this viciously, you simply believe in truth, especially when emotions are involved, and I find this sincerity arresting, overwhelmingly gorgeous.
You are beautiful in many ways, in your fluidity, the smooth and graceful way you roll through life. You are a constant comfort to me, you always hold the answers to my problems and aid me through moments of intense and utter sorrow.
We've been spending a lot of time together lately. You seem to have an innate ability to sense when I am lonely and visit me then. You sit with me through the pain and become my companion in loneliness.
You and I have a private love, a love that is more earnest then anything I have ever felt. You have a way of looking at me, straight in the eyes, that touches me more than anything. When you stare at me like this I imagine that you are sitting inside my brain reading my thoughts and pouring your profound serenity through the wells in my eyes.
Come sit with me,
(L)
Sunday, November 2, 2008
a punch in the nuts
I keep hurting people. I seem to be going about my everyday life and all of a sudden 'BAM' another one bites the dust and I'm to blame and it sucks.
It is my fault, I know it. The problem is I just don't see it coming, and I can talk myself into anything which is a majorly bad thing when you shouldn't be doing something.
I might be dangerous.
Dear _____________,
i love you
What is this burning desire I have to keep you safe, to keep you close, to grant you your wishes for eternity?
I want to deliver you into the hands of your dreams and watch you dance away into the life you long to lead... Even though I know this is not a life I can be part of.
I long to be good enough for you, to see you smile at me with utter adoration, but your eyes have been emptied. I'm not to you what I once was.
I want to take you by the hand, lead you through the hidden door in the back of the garden and down the rabbit hole to a secret place where I can keep you safe. Safe from pain, safe from heartache, stress and life.
I don't want you to feel these pains that I feel, I want you to be free of them because you are so sweet, so kind, so gentle and unassuming and do not deserve pain. I deserve all I get because I bring it on myself but you don't. There is not malice in your thoughts, no judgments in the looks you cast.
If I was you I would reach out and take what I wanted, screw right and screw wrong. But you won't, you would never - and it saddens my heart. You deserve to feel the happiness that holding that hand inside yours would bring, you deserve to whisper secrets into that ear and hold that body close to you.Your deserve everything love has to offer you. I want to hand it to you on a platter and say, 'look my sweet, this is love... Take it, I've had my fill - it's your turn.'
I think I might love you more than anything in the world, you keep me smiling, dancing and loving,
You are my family always dearest,
(L)
It is my fault, I know it. The problem is I just don't see it coming, and I can talk myself into anything which is a majorly bad thing when you shouldn't be doing something.
I might be dangerous.
Dear _____________,
i love you
What is this burning desire I have to keep you safe, to keep you close, to grant you your wishes for eternity?
I want to deliver you into the hands of your dreams and watch you dance away into the life you long to lead... Even though I know this is not a life I can be part of.
I long to be good enough for you, to see you smile at me with utter adoration, but your eyes have been emptied. I'm not to you what I once was.
I want to take you by the hand, lead you through the hidden door in the back of the garden and down the rabbit hole to a secret place where I can keep you safe. Safe from pain, safe from heartache, stress and life.
I don't want you to feel these pains that I feel, I want you to be free of them because you are so sweet, so kind, so gentle and unassuming and do not deserve pain. I deserve all I get because I bring it on myself but you don't. There is not malice in your thoughts, no judgments in the looks you cast.
If I was you I would reach out and take what I wanted, screw right and screw wrong. But you won't, you would never - and it saddens my heart. You deserve to feel the happiness that holding that hand inside yours would bring, you deserve to whisper secrets into that ear and hold that body close to you.Your deserve everything love has to offer you. I want to hand it to you on a platter and say, 'look my sweet, this is love... Take it, I've had my fill - it's your turn.'
I think I might love you more than anything in the world, you keep me smiling, dancing and loving,
You are my family always dearest,
(L)
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