waiting on the windmill

I'm holding my breath, waiting for the world to explode, for everything I have, I love, I hold sacred, to erupt into flames and be obliterated.
I'm holding my breath waiting for the ache in my heart that is inevitably going to crush my chest when I'm the only one left on this planet.
I'm 50/50; 50% sure the world will end... afraid, terrified, struggling to hold onto those precious things I cannot live without, and 50% sure I'm being a little girl, afraid for all the wrong reasons, looking at all the wrong signs, seeing an explosion where there's really just a light breeze and a walk in the sun.
Someone tell me I'm just being silly - someone convince me that its all in my head, that good things are on their way.
Someone give me a reason to breathe.





Dear Life,

i love you
but give me a hint, tell me which way I should go. There's so much going on at the moment that I think I've quit. I wish I hadn't, I keep trying to fight it, to un-quit(?).
Life, you're confusing me. I love you, but do you love me? And what are we doing together? Did we really think it would work?
I love spending time with you and everything but you're just hurting me at the moment. I can't stop thinking about what we should do. I don't want to leave you but you just keep handing me these ultimatums and I just keep ignoring them.
Where will I end up if we keep playing these games?

Give me a hint,
(L)