WARNING:

Blogging by request?
People ask me to write blog posts about them... It's a tricky gig that. I mean it's easy enough, I could probably write a blog about anything or anyone; living, dead, zombied, immortal, half-dead, angelic, demonic, frustrating or even boring.
The tricky bit comes in the recipient, the requestee if you will, because you can never be sure how one will take ones blog posting. You see I can write blogs all day about how much I love things but when I write a blog saying how much i love you... well... it's then things seem to get a little icky.
Apparently 'i love you', those infamous three itty words, no matter how many times I have repeated them on this page, still manage to retain their overall power and tend to result in nasty-ass side effects such as:

• Anger on many fronts
• Uncomfortableness in ones seat
• Giddness
  
• Sharp chest pain
• Coughing of blood
• Loss of brains, heart and/or courage
  
• Sudden shortness of breath
• Heaviness of chest
• Sudden sever headache or vomiting
  
• Dizziness or fainting
• Disturbances of vision or speech
• Weakness or numbness in an arm or leg
• Greening of pigmentation around the entire body
  
• Jaundice or yellowing of the skin or eyeballs
• Fever, fatigue or loss of appetite
  
• Itchy rashes
• Rise in blood pressure
• Mutations in the form of extra limbs or third eyes
  
• Swelling around the eyes or mouth
  

So just a heads up, if you ask me to write about you or we talk about blogging about you or I decide on one of my whimsiest whims to dedicate a blog to you... PLEASE don't use it against me with the realisation that my love is more fickle than a pickles. We all know that me loving you is a scary thought indeed, most men run from the idea, climb down deep shafts (the use of the word shaft in ones blogging is always difficult to negotiate without its regular connotations and contexts eg: "I rubbed my hand
over his hard shaft"), the point is, don't be afraid of my love because my love is unrequited, it is small and unobtrusive, it is contained and restrained.
My love is inanimate.





Dear Pickles,

i love you
Pickles may refer to:

1. A pickled cucumber, a food most commonly referred to as a pickle in the U.S. and Canada
2. A pickled onion, a food most commonly referred to as a pickle in the UK. => Other vegetables that have been pickled
   
3. Pickles (comic strip), a comic strip by Brian Crane
4. Pickles (dog), the dog that found the World Cup trophy in 1966
5. "Pickles" (SpongeBob SquarePants episode)

I don't mind which version of you is referred to. You are all I think about.
This letter is for you, I hope when you read it you realise just how much you mean to me and then hopefully, how much I mean to you?
Can we be together?
Yes?
No?
Maybe?

You pickle my fancy.
(L)