9.8.7.6.5...

Can you see through me?
I feel slightly opaque at the moment. A little clear, a little glassy.
It's hard to explain this feeling that I have. That I'm not quite in the world but observing it.
It's like a guided tour with the ghosts of my past where I can watch things happen but do nothing to alter them, only, It's not guided... I'm alone.
I don't mind I suppose. It's not a bad view. It's nice to take a break and just take in the world from a safe distance.
Perhaps I'm not made of glass.
But it feels like I am.
It's a rather complicated thought this one. That I am glass and this is why I am invisible, but also that I am glass and this is why I must be invisible.
I need to be a safe distance from things to stop myself being shattered, it's irresponsible for glass to run around and pretend it's just like everyone else. Not only could I shatter, but I could hurt other people. I could fall and decapitate someone... or worse.
Just one hit and I'd be gone, and perhaps a few innocent (presumably) bystanders too.
But I can't be in the world because I can't be seen, it's hardly a choice I'm making. So am I invisible because I need to be? Or is it simply a case of curious timing that I came to be invisible now amongst a whirlwind of... sand? through my hour glass?
Are these the days of my life?
It's a riddle I can't solve.
Im safe here, behind my glass, inside my glass. It's funny how something so fragile can be the only thing holding me together.
If the world can't see me then I must be invisible, I can't be involved.
Perhaps I need to be glass right now.
I don't think I could handle being a being.

It's a time of reflection nonetheless... whether I be glass or simply in possession of glass like qualities.
Is it that without a lover I am only half a person, will I remain shatterable until I take the plunge I'm most afraid will break me?
What a tremendous leap of faith that would be.
How can the key to my solidity be the very thing that rendered me to cellophane in the first place? And where would I leap to?







Dear Future Lover,

i love you
That much is a given because it is our destiny to be loved and in love.
The more important question I have to ask today is when do I find you? In what chapter of my life do we meet and fall for each other? And is this the kind of story that ends happily ever after or is there a sequel?
How far do I have until I get to the end of the race, do we cross the line together?
Will I write you a story and make you mine? Will you write me into your music and your heart? How does it start? When does it end?
Do we meet in a coffee shop; you see me scrawling on a napkin, alone, deep in thought. Do I glance up and see you cross the street and get stampedded by butterflies?
Do we work together in a restaurant and write love notes in our aprons? Have we already met?
Do you send me flowers and take me on adventures?
Do I meet you in the city while I'm getting stockings and stamps? Do you serve me ice-cream or ink?
Do I talk to you or do you talk to me?
Do we drink tea under a blanket in the lounge room? Lie on the floor listening to music and talking about nonsense?
Do we make a life together?
Do we change the world together?

When do you break my heart?
(L)