Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
behind the tiny door was a tiny girl
I sat alone that night. I had a cup of tea and a strong feeling that things were too hard go up against. A feeling that if I fought for the life, the freedom and the happiness I felt were lacking in my life that I would lose... and in doing so lose the last glimmer of my hopes.
The wind howled outside and rattled at my new home. I felt safe though, just me, my bed and the four walls of my room.
We sat together, my bed and I. We listened to my life beating against the walls desperate to get in and we decided not to let it.
I turned the key in the door and it clicked. I boarded up the windows and pulled the sheets up around my ears. I wanted to block out everything around me.
It was so peaceful there, my green sheets and soft pillows. I felt safe and for the first time in my life I no longer felt afraid.
This was my new home, and life couldn't get in.
We stayed that way for a very long time, just me, my bed and the four walls and we were very happy together.
Things weren't so calm on the outside though. Through the boards on my windows I could see the thick dark clouds and the heavy rains. The trees tore at the boards of the house, trying to claw their way in. All the elements conspired against me... Every now and then the ground would shake and I would worry that I would be exposed. I screamed at the wind and it screamed back. I yelled at the thunder and it yelled back, louder and more forceful.
It must be said, however, that not all elements were acting with malice or ill intent. There was kindness behind some of the acts, genuine concern for my decision of reclusion, hermitisation. The sun waltzed through the cracks in the boards taunting me to join it in its dance, the breeze knocked playfully at my door asking me to follow it back to my life. I knew I had left behind many things that I loved, but simply more things that scared me, betrayed me and disappointed me.
So I sat.
Dear Love,
i love you,
Find your way through the cracks in my windows or with the light that sneaks in under my door. Find your way to me and fill my empty heart.
It's worthless without its counterpart
(L)
The wind howled outside and rattled at my new home. I felt safe though, just me, my bed and the four walls of my room.
We sat together, my bed and I. We listened to my life beating against the walls desperate to get in and we decided not to let it.
I turned the key in the door and it clicked. I boarded up the windows and pulled the sheets up around my ears. I wanted to block out everything around me.
It was so peaceful there, my green sheets and soft pillows. I felt safe and for the first time in my life I no longer felt afraid.
This was my new home, and life couldn't get in.
We stayed that way for a very long time, just me, my bed and the four walls and we were very happy together.
Things weren't so calm on the outside though. Through the boards on my windows I could see the thick dark clouds and the heavy rains. The trees tore at the boards of the house, trying to claw their way in. All the elements conspired against me... Every now and then the ground would shake and I would worry that I would be exposed. I screamed at the wind and it screamed back. I yelled at the thunder and it yelled back, louder and more forceful.
It must be said, however, that not all elements were acting with malice or ill intent. There was kindness behind some of the acts, genuine concern for my decision of reclusion, hermitisation. The sun waltzed through the cracks in the boards taunting me to join it in its dance, the breeze knocked playfully at my door asking me to follow it back to my life. I knew I had left behind many things that I loved, but simply more things that scared me, betrayed me and disappointed me.
So I sat.
Dear Love,
i love you,
Find your way through the cracks in my windows or with the light that sneaks in under my door. Find your way to me and fill my empty heart.
It's worthless without its counterpart
(L)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
eternal sunshine of a cloudy me
What are you running from young lady? Where are you running to little girl? Who is that woman staring back at you? Who is the voice in your head?
Today I’m flying.
It’s been a long time coming.
Lately, this feeling, this overwhelming desire to change… to seek out something new… to explore. Lately, this feeling, this overwhelming need to leave the pain and gut-wrenching-ness that has become my life behind and start living again.
Lately, it’s been so obvious. I can’t stay here anymore. Down here on the ground, in the ground, where creatures chew my fingers and tangle my hair, things are bad.
I need to take flight to a place where my dreams can come true… if such a place can exist.
I can be stubborn and I have been tremendously so, I have been so determined to make things work. To pick up the pieces of a broken life and turn them into a beautiful wind chime that could sing happily of the hard times whilst living only in the good. But every time I tried to piece the music together the string would snap, or a piece would slip and leave stiches in my hands.
Today my bandaged fingers turned the shards into beautiful glittering wings; today I am going to fly. But where will I go? What am I going to find up there amongst the clouds? Answers? But answers to what?
When can I stop running? When do I find peace, when do I rest? If I undid my laces and retired my shoes I would simply run barefoot wildly through the fields as afraid as before but with prickles in my toes.
How does it end?
Dear Lost Girl,
i love you
I really really love you. You will find your way, I know you will. You will because I need you to, I need you to be ok and be happy and just be a part of my life.
I won't leave you here in this place. I won't let the dogs tear you to shreds. I'll find you shelter and I'll find you hope because that's what you give to me. Hope.
You are all I have and I need you to work hard at finding yourself.
You can't be lost forever
I found you in my heart,
(L)
Today I’m flying.
It’s been a long time coming.
Lately, this feeling, this overwhelming desire to change… to seek out something new… to explore. Lately, this feeling, this overwhelming need to leave the pain and gut-wrenching-ness that has become my life behind and start living again.
Lately, it’s been so obvious. I can’t stay here anymore. Down here on the ground, in the ground, where creatures chew my fingers and tangle my hair, things are bad.
I need to take flight to a place where my dreams can come true… if such a place can exist.
I can be stubborn and I have been tremendously so, I have been so determined to make things work. To pick up the pieces of a broken life and turn them into a beautiful wind chime that could sing happily of the hard times whilst living only in the good. But every time I tried to piece the music together the string would snap, or a piece would slip and leave stiches in my hands.
Today my bandaged fingers turned the shards into beautiful glittering wings; today I am going to fly. But where will I go? What am I going to find up there amongst the clouds? Answers? But answers to what?
When can I stop running? When do I find peace, when do I rest? If I undid my laces and retired my shoes I would simply run barefoot wildly through the fields as afraid as before but with prickles in my toes.
How does it end?
Dear Lost Girl,
i love you
I really really love you. You will find your way, I know you will. You will because I need you to, I need you to be ok and be happy and just be a part of my life.
I won't leave you here in this place. I won't let the dogs tear you to shreds. I'll find you shelter and I'll find you hope because that's what you give to me. Hope.
You are all I have and I need you to work hard at finding yourself.
You can't be lost forever
I found you in my heart,
(L)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
exchange and engage
It's infinitely different now.
I don't know what has changed but for the moment there's no love, no passion, no motivation, no commitment.
I'm waiting for it to come back.
Until then I'm not sure there's a point in even trying.
....
(L)
I don't know what has changed but for the moment there's no love, no passion, no motivation, no commitment.
I'm waiting for it to come back.
Until then I'm not sure there's a point in even trying.
....
(L)
Friday, September 4, 2009
violent breeze
I'm the wind. I float through my life & and the lives of others. I move branches, shake loose a few leaves and stir up trouble with the lighter of the garbage elements.
My life is flighty, unstable, unpredictable and always moving. Always moving.
I will never stop.
I turn peoples hair to tangles, lift up their dresses with my perverted breezes. I make music with the chimes and help fires gain ground.
I am unstoppable. I will float through you and see everything you try to hide.
Dear Eternal Holidays and a Winter of Sunshine and Beaches,
i love you,
both...
Dearly, deeply and endlessly.
You make the pointlessness of human existence not bearable but pleasurable. I have learned to love my life since you entered it. I've been lonely, I've been alone, I've been swallowed and I've been spat. I've been bored, lazy, frustrated, depressed, anxious, worried and desperately trying to ignore the path to my future. But through all this commotion and confusion you have given me hope and courage and the distraction I needed to ignore the mess.
My life has become one big adventure. You wake me up in the morning with your kisses and your wishes and we sneak out of the house and run, we run until the adventures find us. I whisper my dreams into your ears and you make them real.
You are my armor against everything life throws at me. You have given me new eyes and I will not be afraid again, so long as I have you by my side. Without you I'd be hiding in a cave alone, worried and scared with only Fear to keep me company.
I'll run forever,
(L)
My life is flighty, unstable, unpredictable and always moving. Always moving.
I will never stop.
I turn peoples hair to tangles, lift up their dresses with my perverted breezes. I make music with the chimes and help fires gain ground.
I am unstoppable. I will float through you and see everything you try to hide.
Dear Eternal Holidays and a Winter of Sunshine and Beaches,
i love you,
both...
Dearly, deeply and endlessly.
You make the pointlessness of human existence not bearable but pleasurable. I have learned to love my life since you entered it. I've been lonely, I've been alone, I've been swallowed and I've been spat. I've been bored, lazy, frustrated, depressed, anxious, worried and desperately trying to ignore the path to my future. But through all this commotion and confusion you have given me hope and courage and the distraction I needed to ignore the mess.
My life has become one big adventure. You wake me up in the morning with your kisses and your wishes and we sneak out of the house and run, we run until the adventures find us. I whisper my dreams into your ears and you make them real.
You are my armor against everything life throws at me. You have given me new eyes and I will not be afraid again, so long as I have you by my side. Without you I'd be hiding in a cave alone, worried and scared with only Fear to keep me company.
I'll run forever,
(L)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
silent girl... i remember you
Help me somebody, please.
There's questions that need answering and cuddles that need giving and somebody needs to shake me and make me talk cause this mute girl is just cruising along for the ride... But I've been on this one before, almost everyday last year. And I didn't enjoy it enough to be doing it all over again.
Go home class, go home.
Maybe I don't have a home to go to, perhaps this hallway with the gray carpet and green walls is my home. What if I told you this was where I belong, that I can't leave?
What would you do then? Would you still send me home? 'Cause I'm not sure where I'm meant to be going right now so I'm just sitting on the gray carpet trying to make myself invisible. I've lost my words, what do I have to do to lose my body? What's the trick here?
But if I have no voice then nothing is going to be resolved. A year on the gray carpet, my back against the green wall.
Speak up,
This isn't your home kid.
This is an Institution.
Where do you belong?
Tell us something about yourselves, just a little something, a sentence. Who are you? Why are you here? God is that all it takes to break my well measured muteness? Shit, am I that easy to crack? Well, perhaps, maybe now that barrier has been broken I'll be able to sing from the rooftops. Maybe I can talk to someone, someone I don't already know, I wouldn't mind that. Cos loneliness is gun and all but I'm starving for something a little bit more.
Make me an offer,
tell me what you want from me
what are you afraid of?
Dear Stranger,
i love you
Today you were eyes, eyes carrying big dark bags with them, like the rings of Saturn. Your dreaded head leaning against the elevator doors. I saw you as I entered, I was in my silent world of music, thoughts and secrets.
I saw in your eyes undisguised curiosity, I felt a moment of connection. What did you see? What did you see when you looked at me? me and my alphabet bracelet, my shaggy hair perched comically on my head like a little bird.
Perhaps you and this fowl being had engaged in some sort of communication, did my bird tell you a secret? What does this bird know anyway?
I am the silent girl, the mute one who has lost her voice and her way, and is unsure how to find either. Did you see that in my face? Did my bird tell you where it is? It's not fair that my bird can speak to you while I can say nothing.
Help me?
(L)
There's questions that need answering and cuddles that need giving and somebody needs to shake me and make me talk cause this mute girl is just cruising along for the ride... But I've been on this one before, almost everyday last year. And I didn't enjoy it enough to be doing it all over again.
Go home class, go home.
Maybe I don't have a home to go to, perhaps this hallway with the gray carpet and green walls is my home. What if I told you this was where I belong, that I can't leave?
What would you do then? Would you still send me home? 'Cause I'm not sure where I'm meant to be going right now so I'm just sitting on the gray carpet trying to make myself invisible. I've lost my words, what do I have to do to lose my body? What's the trick here?
But if I have no voice then nothing is going to be resolved. A year on the gray carpet, my back against the green wall.
Speak up,
This isn't your home kid.
This is an Institution.
Where do you belong?
Tell us something about yourselves, just a little something, a sentence. Who are you? Why are you here? God is that all it takes to break my well measured muteness? Shit, am I that easy to crack? Well, perhaps, maybe now that barrier has been broken I'll be able to sing from the rooftops. Maybe I can talk to someone, someone I don't already know, I wouldn't mind that. Cos loneliness is gun and all but I'm starving for something a little bit more.
Make me an offer,
tell me what you want from me
what are you afraid of?
Dear Stranger,
i love you
Today you were eyes, eyes carrying big dark bags with them, like the rings of Saturn. Your dreaded head leaning against the elevator doors. I saw you as I entered, I was in my silent world of music, thoughts and secrets.
I saw in your eyes undisguised curiosity, I felt a moment of connection. What did you see? What did you see when you looked at me? me and my alphabet bracelet, my shaggy hair perched comically on my head like a little bird.
Perhaps you and this fowl being had engaged in some sort of communication, did my bird tell you a secret? What does this bird know anyway?
I am the silent girl, the mute one who has lost her voice and her way, and is unsure how to find either. Did you see that in my face? Did my bird tell you where it is? It's not fair that my bird can speak to you while I can say nothing.
Help me?
(L)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
swamps and swamp things
I'm trapped inside this house, with all its secrets and unspoken truths.
I can't leave, there's a moat around my room and the draw bridge has been pulled up and the lever broken, no one can get in to fix it.
There's secrets in my heart and in my soul that I don't want anyone to know, and the quiet house is whispering to them asking them to come out.
I need to leave this place and escape it's enchanting calls. No-one can know what my souls says, not me and especially not this house or its inhabitants.
Perhaps I will flag down a passing bird and throw my nap-sack on its winged back and soar to new heights of safety. Will I be safe there? Up in the sky? Will the whispering find me?
I hope that I can be safe somewhere, that I will not have to retreat fully into my heart and become a hermit in my ventricles.
I know I can be safe again, one day people will stop seeking the secrets of my heart and leave me to live my life, they will stop knocking on the door to my soul screaming to be let in. They will let me be me and I will let those who I love inside where they can find warmth in my truth.
In the mean time, I'm getting my swimmers on and I'm getting out of here, because the silence of the whispering is driving me mad and I'll fight the treacherous waters if it means a minute of freedom.
Dear Secrets,
i love you
You keep me safe and dry in this rainy weather and I thank-you for that and will love you always for this kindness. You keep me safe from prying eyes and you look after me, you know everything there is to know about me.
With you in my life I can be who I want to be and no one can tell me otherwise because they cannot see into my soul.
Only you know the truth about me and you love me anyway. You do not judge me on these things that I do, that I keep, that I am. No-one has ever known me so fully and just accepted me with every flaw, and I do not believe that anyone ever will.
So thank-you secrets for helping me continue to be a functioning member of society,
You have the VIP pass,
(L)
I can't leave, there's a moat around my room and the draw bridge has been pulled up and the lever broken, no one can get in to fix it.
There's secrets in my heart and in my soul that I don't want anyone to know, and the quiet house is whispering to them asking them to come out.
I need to leave this place and escape it's enchanting calls. No-one can know what my souls says, not me and especially not this house or its inhabitants.
Perhaps I will flag down a passing bird and throw my nap-sack on its winged back and soar to new heights of safety. Will I be safe there? Up in the sky? Will the whispering find me?
I hope that I can be safe somewhere, that I will not have to retreat fully into my heart and become a hermit in my ventricles.
I know I can be safe again, one day people will stop seeking the secrets of my heart and leave me to live my life, they will stop knocking on the door to my soul screaming to be let in. They will let me be me and I will let those who I love inside where they can find warmth in my truth.
In the mean time, I'm getting my swimmers on and I'm getting out of here, because the silence of the whispering is driving me mad and I'll fight the treacherous waters if it means a minute of freedom.
Dear Secrets,
i love you
You keep me safe and dry in this rainy weather and I thank-you for that and will love you always for this kindness. You keep me safe from prying eyes and you look after me, you know everything there is to know about me.
With you in my life I can be who I want to be and no one can tell me otherwise because they cannot see into my soul.
Only you know the truth about me and you love me anyway. You do not judge me on these things that I do, that I keep, that I am. No-one has ever known me so fully and just accepted me with every flaw, and I do not believe that anyone ever will.
So thank-you secrets for helping me continue to be a functioning member of society,
You have the VIP pass,
(L)
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
the vampire slayer
I tried to blog today about my efforts to slay the nights heart with my daggers and courage.
I was going to tell you how I painted myself black and stalked the night with bare feet on cold ground.
I was going to tell you about all the horrible and terrifying things I saw that I could never describe to you because there are no human words in any version of the language to describe such unearthly terror.
I was going to tell you how I was unable to be afraid because the night would sense it and use it against me
I tried to tell you, to warn you.
But I couldn't.
I wanted you to know that I walked for days in search of a heart I grew suspicious of even existing.
I wanted to explain to you how the wind can taunt you, and the trees can trap you, and the things that go bump in the night have teeth and fangs and are impervious to any amount of stabbing.
I wanted to tell you about the place I ended up, when I reached the heart. And what I saw there, and how it changed my life.
I tried to blog about it, but I couldn't.
Most of all I wanted to tell you that when I reach the 'heart' it was, as one would expect, crawling with demons of my past and threats about my future. I wanted to tell you that this was what I had expected and I had conjured magic to help me fight the doom which I knew would defeat me if given the chance. I wanted to talk of how all the preparation in the world couldn't save me from myself.
What I had no intention of telling you was that I'd been there before.
And it was you who save me then.
And it's you who'll save me now.
To Whom It May Concern,
i love you,
And I'm going to find my way back to you.
I'm sorry, but you're perfect.
You're the one,
(L)
I was going to tell you how I painted myself black and stalked the night with bare feet on cold ground.
I was going to tell you about all the horrible and terrifying things I saw that I could never describe to you because there are no human words in any version of the language to describe such unearthly terror.
I was going to tell you how I was unable to be afraid because the night would sense it and use it against me
I tried to tell you, to warn you.
But I couldn't.
I wanted you to know that I walked for days in search of a heart I grew suspicious of even existing.
I wanted to explain to you how the wind can taunt you, and the trees can trap you, and the things that go bump in the night have teeth and fangs and are impervious to any amount of stabbing.
I wanted to tell you about the place I ended up, when I reached the heart. And what I saw there, and how it changed my life.
I tried to blog about it, but I couldn't.
Most of all I wanted to tell you that when I reach the 'heart' it was, as one would expect, crawling with demons of my past and threats about my future. I wanted to tell you that this was what I had expected and I had conjured magic to help me fight the doom which I knew would defeat me if given the chance. I wanted to talk of how all the preparation in the world couldn't save me from myself.
What I had no intention of telling you was that I'd been there before.
And it was you who save me then.
And it's you who'll save me now.
To Whom It May Concern,
i love you,
And I'm going to find my way back to you.
I'm sorry, but you're perfect.
You're the one,
(L)
Sunday, May 10, 2009
9.8.7.6.5...
Can you see through me?
I feel slightly opaque at the moment. A little clear, a little glassy.
It's hard to explain this feeling that I have. That I'm not quite in the world but observing it.
It's like a guided tour with the ghosts of my past where I can watch things happen but do nothing to alter them, only, It's not guided... I'm alone.
I don't mind I suppose. It's not a bad view. It's nice to take a break and just take in the world from a safe distance.
Perhaps I'm not made of glass.
But it feels like I am.
It's a rather complicated thought this one. That I am glass and this is why I am invisible, but also that I am glass and this is why I must be invisible.
I need to be a safe distance from things to stop myself being shattered, it's irresponsible for glass to run around and pretend it's just like everyone else. Not only could I shatter, but I could hurt other people. I could fall and decapitate someone... or worse.
Just one hit and I'd be gone, and perhaps a few innocent (presumably) bystanders too.
But I can't be in the world because I can't be seen, it's hardly a choice I'm making. So am I invisible because I need to be? Or is it simply a case of curious timing that I came to be invisible now amongst a whirlwind of... sand? through my hour glass?
Are these the days of my life?
It's a riddle I can't solve.
Im safe here, behind my glass, inside my glass. It's funny how something so fragile can be the only thing holding me together.
If the world can't see me then I must be invisible, I can't be involved.
Perhaps I need to be glass right now.
I don't think I could handle being a being.
It's a time of reflection nonetheless... whether I be glass or simply in possession of glass like qualities.
Is it that without a lover I am only half a person, will I remain shatterable until I take the plunge I'm most afraid will break me?
What a tremendous leap of faith that would be.
How can the key to my solidity be the very thing that rendered me to cellophane in the first place? And where would I leap to?
Dear Future Lover,
i love you
That much is a given because it is our destiny to be loved and in love.
The more important question I have to ask today is when do I find you? In what chapter of my life do we meet and fall for each other? And is this the kind of story that ends happily ever after or is there a sequel?
How far do I have until I get to the end of the race, do we cross the line together?
Will I write you a story and make you mine? Will you write me into your music and your heart? How does it start? When does it end?
Do we meet in a coffee shop; you see me scrawling on a napkin, alone, deep in thought. Do I glance up and see you cross the street and get stampedded by butterflies?
Do we work together in a restaurant and write love notes in our aprons? Have we already met?
Do you send me flowers and take me on adventures?
Do I meet you in the city while I'm getting stockings and stamps? Do you serve me ice-cream or ink?
Do I talk to you or do you talk to me?
Do we drink tea under a blanket in the lounge room? Lie on the floor listening to music and talking about nonsense?
Do we make a life together?
Do we change the world together?
When do you break my heart?
(L)
I feel slightly opaque at the moment. A little clear, a little glassy.
It's hard to explain this feeling that I have. That I'm not quite in the world but observing it.
It's like a guided tour with the ghosts of my past where I can watch things happen but do nothing to alter them, only, It's not guided... I'm alone.
I don't mind I suppose. It's not a bad view. It's nice to take a break and just take in the world from a safe distance.
Perhaps I'm not made of glass.
But it feels like I am.
It's a rather complicated thought this one. That I am glass and this is why I am invisible, but also that I am glass and this is why I must be invisible.
I need to be a safe distance from things to stop myself being shattered, it's irresponsible for glass to run around and pretend it's just like everyone else. Not only could I shatter, but I could hurt other people. I could fall and decapitate someone... or worse.
Just one hit and I'd be gone, and perhaps a few innocent (presumably) bystanders too.
But I can't be in the world because I can't be seen, it's hardly a choice I'm making. So am I invisible because I need to be? Or is it simply a case of curious timing that I came to be invisible now amongst a whirlwind of... sand? through my hour glass?
Are these the days of my life?
It's a riddle I can't solve.
Im safe here, behind my glass, inside my glass. It's funny how something so fragile can be the only thing holding me together.
If the world can't see me then I must be invisible, I can't be involved.
Perhaps I need to be glass right now.
I don't think I could handle being a being.
It's a time of reflection nonetheless... whether I be glass or simply in possession of glass like qualities.
Is it that without a lover I am only half a person, will I remain shatterable until I take the plunge I'm most afraid will break me?
What a tremendous leap of faith that would be.
How can the key to my solidity be the very thing that rendered me to cellophane in the first place? And where would I leap to?
Dear Future Lover,
i love you
That much is a given because it is our destiny to be loved and in love.
The more important question I have to ask today is when do I find you? In what chapter of my life do we meet and fall for each other? And is this the kind of story that ends happily ever after or is there a sequel?
How far do I have until I get to the end of the race, do we cross the line together?
Will I write you a story and make you mine? Will you write me into your music and your heart? How does it start? When does it end?
Do we meet in a coffee shop; you see me scrawling on a napkin, alone, deep in thought. Do I glance up and see you cross the street and get stampedded by butterflies?
Do we work together in a restaurant and write love notes in our aprons? Have we already met?
Do you send me flowers and take me on adventures?
Do I meet you in the city while I'm getting stockings and stamps? Do you serve me ice-cream or ink?
Do I talk to you or do you talk to me?
Do we drink tea under a blanket in the lounge room? Lie on the floor listening to music and talking about nonsense?
Do we make a life together?
Do we change the world together?
When do you break my heart?
(L)
Saturday, May 9, 2009
can you spare a thought?
I'm distracted by a million thoughts all tugging at strands of my brain, begging for attention and direction. But there's one thought who has outsmarted the lot. One thought that doesn't need to tug for my attention.
This frustrating anomaly keeps my brain going round and round in circles. I don't know what it's trying to tell me. I can't stop trying to figure it out.
I'm wasting time here, wasting life here. So please, just answer me: Who are you?
I can't stop trying to figure out what I want, what I need, what I already have.
Do I have you? Do I know you? Have we met? Can we meet?
I feel so lost when you're not around.
I don't know you, and I don't know how to get to know you.
Do I know you?
Dear Mysterious thoughts,
i love you,
I can't sleep at night.
Whenever I close my eyes you're there, haunting me.
Why can't I get you out of my head? What makes you think you own it? That you belong there?
Don't you think it's time you moved on? Aren't you bored... ready to leave?
I don't know what to do to get rid of you, nothing's making you disappear.
Who are you?
You take up so much of my time with random thoughts and smiles. I want you gone so I can get back to my new life.
I do have a plan. I will beat you.
Do you want to hear my plan?
Too bad.
I'll get you out of my head, you better believe it. I have to because I need to... I want to be free again.
When was I ever free?
I'll get you out of my head. You watch out, I'm a forced to reckoned with. And when you're out you will be in so much trouble you will be forging fake ID's and passports and leaving the country... but guess what, I'll already be at the airport, waiting for you.
I'll get you out of my head and once I have that space back I'll use all that you usurped to plot my next move, making sure you feel my wrath.
I'll get you out of my head, and once I do I'll make sure... I'll make damn sure.
I'm getting you out of my head and I'm getting you into my bed, I need to. I need you.
I have a plan
(L)
This frustrating anomaly keeps my brain going round and round in circles. I don't know what it's trying to tell me. I can't stop trying to figure it out.
I'm wasting time here, wasting life here. So please, just answer me: Who are you?
I can't stop trying to figure out what I want, what I need, what I already have.
Do I have you? Do I know you? Have we met? Can we meet?
I feel so lost when you're not around.
I don't know you, and I don't know how to get to know you.
Do I know you?
Dear Mysterious thoughts,
i love you,
I can't sleep at night.
Whenever I close my eyes you're there, haunting me.
Why can't I get you out of my head? What makes you think you own it? That you belong there?
Don't you think it's time you moved on? Aren't you bored... ready to leave?
I don't know what to do to get rid of you, nothing's making you disappear.
Who are you?
You take up so much of my time with random thoughts and smiles. I want you gone so I can get back to my new life.
I do have a plan. I will beat you.
Do you want to hear my plan?
Too bad.
I'll get you out of my head, you better believe it. I have to because I need to... I want to be free again.
When was I ever free?
I'll get you out of my head. You watch out, I'm a forced to reckoned with. And when you're out you will be in so much trouble you will be forging fake ID's and passports and leaving the country... but guess what, I'll already be at the airport, waiting for you.
I'll get you out of my head and once I have that space back I'll use all that you usurped to plot my next move, making sure you feel my wrath.
I'll get you out of my head, and once I do I'll make sure... I'll make damn sure.
I'm getting you out of my head and I'm getting you into my bed, I need to. I need you.
I have a plan
(L)
Friday, May 8, 2009
WARNING:
Blogging by request?
People ask me to write blog posts about them... It's a tricky gig that. I mean it's easy enough, I could probably write a blog about anything or anyone; living, dead, zombied, immortal, half-dead, angelic, demonic, frustrating or even boring.
The tricky bit comes in the recipient, the requestee if you will, because you can never be sure how one will take ones blog posting. You see I can write blogs all day about how much I love things but when I write a blog saying how much i love you... well... it's then things seem to get a little icky.
Apparently 'i love you', those infamous three itty words, no matter how many times I have repeated them on this page, still manage to retain their overall power and tend to result in nasty-ass side effects such as:
over his hard shaft"), the point is, don't be afraid of my love because my love is unrequited, it is small and unobtrusive, it is contained and restrained.
My love is inanimate.
Dear Pickles,
i love you
Pickles may refer to:
This letter is for you, I hope when you read it you realise just how much you mean to me and then hopefully, how much I mean to you?
Can we be together?
Yes?
No?
Maybe?
You pickle my fancy.
(L)
People ask me to write blog posts about them... It's a tricky gig that. I mean it's easy enough, I could probably write a blog about anything or anyone; living, dead, zombied, immortal, half-dead, angelic, demonic, frustrating or even boring.
The tricky bit comes in the recipient, the requestee if you will, because you can never be sure how one will take ones blog posting. You see I can write blogs all day about how much I love things but when I write a blog saying how much i love you... well... it's then things seem to get a little icky.
Apparently 'i love you', those infamous three itty words, no matter how many times I have repeated them on this page, still manage to retain their overall power and tend to result in nasty-ass side effects such as:
- Anger on many fronts
- Uncomfortableness in ones seat
- Giddness
- Sharp chest pain
- Coughing of blood
- Loss of brains, heart and/or courage
- Sudden shortness of breath
- Heaviness of chest
- Sudden sever headache or vomiting
- Dizziness or fainting
- Disturbances of vision or speech
- Weakness or numbness in an arm or leg
- Greening of pigmentation around the entire body
- Jaundice or yellowing of the skin or eyeballs
- Fever, fatigue or loss of appetite
- Itchy rashes
- Rise in blood pressure
- Mutations in the form of extra limbs or third eyes
- Swelling around the eyes or mouth
over his hard shaft"), the point is, don't be afraid of my love because my love is unrequited, it is small and unobtrusive, it is contained and restrained.
My love is inanimate.
Dear Pickles,
i love you
Pickles may refer to:
- A pickled cucumber, a food most commonly referred to as a pickle in the U.S. and Canada
- A pickled onion, a food most commonly referred to as a pickle in the UK. => Other vegetables that have been pickled
- Pickles (comic strip), a comic strip by Brian Crane
- Pickles (dog), the dog that found the World Cup trophy in 1966
- "Pickles" (SpongeBob SquarePants episode)
This letter is for you, I hope when you read it you realise just how much you mean to me and then hopefully, how much I mean to you?
Can we be together?
Yes?
No?
Maybe?
You pickle my fancy.
(L)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
the night crawlers
I went adventuring last night.
I woke up from a deep slumber, packed a bag of supplies, tied some knots in my laces and set out to save my relatives from the faraway castle where they had been imprisoned.
I had to do all sorts of bizarre but necessary things to get to my destination, as we all know, faraway castles are notoriously hard to get to. I solved riddles, fought giants, commandeered luck dragons and rode all around the city on their backs, wind blowing in my hair.
There were clues to decipher and concealed doorways to locate with hidden keys tucked away in dark corners.
I hunted and foraged for my meals and rested briefly under trees in the swaying motion of the night. The air was full of anticipation, the night was on my side.
I drank from the magic goblet which gave me strange and wonderful new powers, power which enabled me to save my family and make them safe.
I returned home, flying this time on the back of the nights joys, the airs ecstasy and rivers euphoria.
There was magic and the magic and I flew home together.
When I woke up this morning it was gone, it was just me alone in my bed. The night and it's magic had crept away while a slumbered and I awoke with only vague memories of the all that have passed.
I was happy though, that I woke up as me.
Just me.
I'll do.
Dear Bed,
i love you
You and I are the perfect match. I didn't realise how much I would miss you, or even suppose how much I was missing you, when I moved.
I missed everything, your soft touch, falling asleep in your arms, the way you whisper to me while I sleep and send me into peaceful dreams and most importantly the way you lift me off the floor and stop the ants crawling all over me while I slumber.
You're the one i want to watch movies with, cuddle with, spend time with when I'm sick. Nothing brings me instant comfort the way you do. You have the ability to lift my mood and take me a lace of divine luxury. You make me feel like a princess.
You're the one for me, I know that now, and I also know that we can't be apart again. I don't enjoy it when your not around. Your the only one I want to sleep with in this world. I've tried couches and cushions and foamies and tents and cabins and lodges and tree-houses and none of these compare to being with you.
The moment I saw you standing in my room, in pieces, asking for me to have you in my life I knew that leaving you was the worst mistake I have ever made.
Thank you for finding your way back to me,
Now we can sleep together for eternity,
(L)
I woke up from a deep slumber, packed a bag of supplies, tied some knots in my laces and set out to save my relatives from the faraway castle where they had been imprisoned.
I had to do all sorts of bizarre but necessary things to get to my destination, as we all know, faraway castles are notoriously hard to get to. I solved riddles, fought giants, commandeered luck dragons and rode all around the city on their backs, wind blowing in my hair.
There were clues to decipher and concealed doorways to locate with hidden keys tucked away in dark corners.
I hunted and foraged for my meals and rested briefly under trees in the swaying motion of the night. The air was full of anticipation, the night was on my side.
I drank from the magic goblet which gave me strange and wonderful new powers, power which enabled me to save my family and make them safe.
I returned home, flying this time on the back of the nights joys, the airs ecstasy and rivers euphoria.
There was magic and the magic and I flew home together.
When I woke up this morning it was gone, it was just me alone in my bed. The night and it's magic had crept away while a slumbered and I awoke with only vague memories of the all that have passed.
I was happy though, that I woke up as me.
Just me.
I'll do.
Dear Bed,
i love you
You and I are the perfect match. I didn't realise how much I would miss you, or even suppose how much I was missing you, when I moved.
I missed everything, your soft touch, falling asleep in your arms, the way you whisper to me while I sleep and send me into peaceful dreams and most importantly the way you lift me off the floor and stop the ants crawling all over me while I slumber.
You're the one i want to watch movies with, cuddle with, spend time with when I'm sick. Nothing brings me instant comfort the way you do. You have the ability to lift my mood and take me a lace of divine luxury. You make me feel like a princess.
You're the one for me, I know that now, and I also know that we can't be apart again. I don't enjoy it when your not around. Your the only one I want to sleep with in this world. I've tried couches and cushions and foamies and tents and cabins and lodges and tree-houses and none of these compare to being with you.
The moment I saw you standing in my room, in pieces, asking for me to have you in my life I knew that leaving you was the worst mistake I have ever made.
Thank you for finding your way back to me,
Now we can sleep together for eternity,
(L)
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
who's going to save you now that i'm dead?
Today. Today. Today. Today I feel like writing, unfortunately that feeling is not skipping merrily hand-in-hand with something to say.
I'm coming up against a lot of obstacles, not just in my writing which is all but dead.
I feel like a heroic prince; yielding my sword to bravely cut back the terrifying and encroaching poisoned vine that threatens to choke the fragile neck of my princess. Only I can't cut fast enough, and my sword is too heavy and the vines are creeping around my ankles. I can't move, I'm stuck, my sword has fallen to my side, I'm covered in vines, I can't see my princess, she's disappeared too.
Who's going to save me? If I'm the one who does the saving?
Why am I the prince?
Why can't I be the princess?
Dear Independence,
i love you
I've never had this feeling before, this feeling of being alone and liking it. Independence, you're unlike any lover I've ever had before. You bring out strengths in me I never bothered looking for. When I'm with you I feel like I don't need you... though I must admit it's nice to know you're there watching out for me, someone needs to, since I am totally and utterly hopeless.
I like how we can have such space from each other and not need all that reassurance, not feel that ridiculous jealousy. It's just so nice to be comfortable, with no worries.
Although all this time on my own does make me feel like it's only a matter of time before I fall down a rabbit hole, and as much as I wish I was I'm no Alice, when I fall down that hole I'm not sure I'm going to like what I find.
Don't,
(L)
I'm coming up against a lot of obstacles, not just in my writing which is all but dead.
I feel like a heroic prince; yielding my sword to bravely cut back the terrifying and encroaching poisoned vine that threatens to choke the fragile neck of my princess. Only I can't cut fast enough, and my sword is too heavy and the vines are creeping around my ankles. I can't move, I'm stuck, my sword has fallen to my side, I'm covered in vines, I can't see my princess, she's disappeared too.
Who's going to save me? If I'm the one who does the saving?
Why am I the prince?
Why can't I be the princess?
Dear Independence,
i love you
I've never had this feeling before, this feeling of being alone and liking it. Independence, you're unlike any lover I've ever had before. You bring out strengths in me I never bothered looking for. When I'm with you I feel like I don't need you... though I must admit it's nice to know you're there watching out for me, someone needs to, since I am totally and utterly hopeless.
I like how we can have such space from each other and not need all that reassurance, not feel that ridiculous jealousy. It's just so nice to be comfortable, with no worries.
Although all this time on my own does make me feel like it's only a matter of time before I fall down a rabbit hole, and as much as I wish I was I'm no Alice, when I fall down that hole I'm not sure I'm going to like what I find.
Don't,
(L)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
is planting the seed
I don't have much to say except the usual, I suppose that's the reason for tremendous gappage in posts. I have written several love letters but they don't seem to be able to escape the claws of my spiral bound notepad into the phenomenally expansive world of the inter-web.
I feel out of contact with a lot of the people I love most in this world, they all seem to be dangling over the cliff waiting for me to pull them back to safety... but if you've seen my arms you would know there's not much chance of me pulling them to safety.
Dear missing friend,
i love you
I want to see fast and furious with you...
who else?
just you.
a seat for two?
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
I want to watch skins with you, eat cupcakes...
Dance in the rain?
Just me and just you.
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
Lets have coffee's and cuddles?
goonies and giggles?
I miss everything about you,
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
Tell me a story, about badminton in the backyard? or guitar sessions in bed? Tell me a story about my missing friend.
There's too much room in my bed.
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
Where's my adventure buddy? where's my tea and talks?
where's my practical jokes?
where's my banana fantana?
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
I want pinches and punches. I want you to make me cry and make me smile. I want sweet nothings. I want nothing.
?
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
where are you? Why am I all alone?
Where's my cuddles in the night? the smiles in the middle of a fight?
I'm alone and lonely
(L)
I feel out of contact with a lot of the people I love most in this world, they all seem to be dangling over the cliff waiting for me to pull them back to safety... but if you've seen my arms you would know there's not much chance of me pulling them to safety.
Dear missing friend,
i love you
I want to see fast and furious with you...
who else?
just you.
a seat for two?
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
I want to watch skins with you, eat cupcakes...
Dance in the rain?
Just me and just you.
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
Lets have coffee's and cuddles?
goonies and giggles?
I miss everything about you,
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
Tell me a story, about badminton in the backyard? or guitar sessions in bed? Tell me a story about my missing friend.
There's too much room in my bed.
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
Where's my adventure buddy? where's my tea and talks?
where's my practical jokes?
where's my banana fantana?
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
I want pinches and punches. I want you to make me cry and make me smile. I want sweet nothings. I want nothing.
?
(L)
Dear missing friend,
i love you
where are you? Why am I all alone?
Where's my cuddles in the night? the smiles in the middle of a fight?
I'm alone and lonely
(L)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
puddle jumping
In the middle of the night, lying cold and wet in a puddle of my tears, a stray thought crossed my mind amid the darker more depressing question bubbles floating over my head. I slowly reach up and gently let the bubble come to rest on my palm, taking all possible precautions against its breakage.
Maybe somethings in life are uncontrollable and ridiculously frustrating and confronting for this reason. But if I'm going to hide under my bed in the middle of the night shaking with fear, I'm not going to be hiding from me... not anymore.
I pulled my phone from the dripping puddle that surrounded me and wrote messages of love, to other people, but mainly to me.
And then pop... the thought was gone.
dear self-loathing
i love you
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you.
now will you please start loving me?
(L)
Maybe somethings in life are uncontrollable and ridiculously frustrating and confronting for this reason. But if I'm going to hide under my bed in the middle of the night shaking with fear, I'm not going to be hiding from me... not anymore.
I pulled my phone from the dripping puddle that surrounded me and wrote messages of love, to other people, but mainly to me.
And then pop... the thought was gone.
dear self-loathing
i love you
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you.
now will you please start loving me?
(L)
Friday, February 6, 2009
the wild child
Some times, as is life, you are left waiting for things. Waiting to hear back from somebody, a phone call, a text. Waiting for a visitor or, on a boring enough day, a tv show.
This whole phenomenon of waiting is, however, something I have never been able to master. I get very irritated. I've often been observed engaged in a somewhat one sided yelling match with boys (that's right, more than one poor soul has fallen victim to this woeful scene), informing them, rather forcefully, that in being 20 minutes late they have sentenced themselves to 20 minutes of either the 'silent treatment' (this is the generally preferred option) or alternatively, 20 minutes of berating about time management and keeping promise and the necessity of not only bringing excuses but also treats and surprises if one wishes to get away with late arrivals.
I'm a terror. It's true.
Dear Patience,
i love you
Or at least I think i do, you won't hang out with me so I'm not entirely sure, i do know, however, that we would be good together, maybe even great together. I'd be a better person, less irritable and angry.
I've seen with with other girls, guy too actually, you seem to have this wonderfully calming effect on people and it makes me quite jealous. I'm aching for that calm that you bring, a kind of security that is really lacking in my life.
What do I have to do to get your attention, how do I get you to notice me and take an interest?
I need you in mu life, I feel as though I am missing something vital. This feeling I'm sure every human being has, but I'm detached from it.
I can't wait for you,
So just hurry up,
(L)
This whole phenomenon of waiting is, however, something I have never been able to master. I get very irritated. I've often been observed engaged in a somewhat one sided yelling match with boys (that's right, more than one poor soul has fallen victim to this woeful scene), informing them, rather forcefully, that in being 20 minutes late they have sentenced themselves to 20 minutes of either the 'silent treatment' (this is the generally preferred option) or alternatively, 20 minutes of berating about time management and keeping promise and the necessity of not only bringing excuses but also treats and surprises if one wishes to get away with late arrivals.
I'm a terror. It's true.
Dear Patience,
i love you
Or at least I think i do, you won't hang out with me so I'm not entirely sure, i do know, however, that we would be good together, maybe even great together. I'd be a better person, less irritable and angry.
I've seen with with other girls, guy too actually, you seem to have this wonderfully calming effect on people and it makes me quite jealous. I'm aching for that calm that you bring, a kind of security that is really lacking in my life.
What do I have to do to get your attention, how do I get you to notice me and take an interest?
I need you in mu life, I feel as though I am missing something vital. This feeling I'm sure every human being has, but I'm detached from it.
I can't wait for you,
So just hurry up,
(L)
Monday, January 12, 2009
dead ant
I don't suppose it's healthy to think that drinking fixes things. But for me, well, sometimes it's true. When I was a spring chicken, in my binge drinking prime (which, I'm sure would horrify my mother to know, is not now) I used to have a tendency to cry and get all emotional like when I drank, involving all those unfortunates around me in grueling non-sensical ramblings of my life's troubles... Alcohol's a depressant... right?
Well, wrong. For some reason, now I have been sprinkled with drinking seasoning I seem to be able to shake whatever mood cloud has been hovering over my life and just dance it out.
Drinking makes me happy...
I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, but I'm just going to have to roll with it I think.
Dear Goonies,
i love you
It’s true, you always being a giant smile to my face. You inspire those around you to play games, let go and just enjoy life’s moments for what they are. Spending time with you always gives my tummy a warm mumbling quality which no one else has ever summoned.
I think what assures me that this love is true is the instability of my mornings post-you. When I wake up and you are not there, after we have spent another wonderfully crazy night together, I always feel ill. And not just with emotional turmoil, this is an actual physical illness, there are headaches, nausea, motion sickness… a whole range of symptoms encroach on the pain of your departure and feast on my body.
Some days I cannot open my eyes or move from my bed as the pain is too much, the beast of loneliness feeds on me until its hunger is satisfied, this can take days.
Again a testament to our love, that despite the day of woe that stalks our nights together I am always finding my way back into your arms, willing you to sweep me away into a night of such incredible joy no amount of feasting can destroy.
You feed my with confidence, you cloud my judgments, disable my perception, cause my feet to wobble under me and dance with me like a maniac.
Being around you alters me; I cannot get enough of you. I will bleed your heart dry, take all I can from you until all that remains is an empty sack.
We will destroy each other,
(L)
Well, wrong. For some reason, now I have been sprinkled with drinking seasoning I seem to be able to shake whatever mood cloud has been hovering over my life and just dance it out.
Drinking makes me happy...
I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, but I'm just going to have to roll with it I think.
Dear Goonies,
i love you
It’s true, you always being a giant smile to my face. You inspire those around you to play games, let go and just enjoy life’s moments for what they are. Spending time with you always gives my tummy a warm mumbling quality which no one else has ever summoned.
I think what assures me that this love is true is the instability of my mornings post-you. When I wake up and you are not there, after we have spent another wonderfully crazy night together, I always feel ill. And not just with emotional turmoil, this is an actual physical illness, there are headaches, nausea, motion sickness… a whole range of symptoms encroach on the pain of your departure and feast on my body.
Some days I cannot open my eyes or move from my bed as the pain is too much, the beast of loneliness feeds on me until its hunger is satisfied, this can take days.
Again a testament to our love, that despite the day of woe that stalks our nights together I am always finding my way back into your arms, willing you to sweep me away into a night of such incredible joy no amount of feasting can destroy.
You feed my with confidence, you cloud my judgments, disable my perception, cause my feet to wobble under me and dance with me like a maniac.
Being around you alters me; I cannot get enough of you. I will bleed your heart dry, take all I can from you until all that remains is an empty sack.
We will destroy each other,
(L)
Saturday, January 10, 2009
everybody's got the blues
Hm hum hum diddley um drum mum mum drum frum how do you blow a raspberry in txt? XBrfffphtttttx raspberry. Breasticles, testicles wallet and watch. Matt has eyes. Kate has a nose. Lola has hair. Alanna has a neck. Matt has a mullet. The guitar has a Matt. The neck has a head. The head has a freckle. Right. Love is... Walrus serving sherbet mocktails on a summer afternoon in the land of fog and frog. Trees of milk and honey. Rivers of sparkle juice and skies of rocky road ice cream. Guitar singalongs on giant bed ships floating through disappearing realms of adventuring housies and walking chocolate fisheries. Red balloon clouds and bubbles you can catch rides in. Yum.
Dear Ex-Housie,
i love you
I need you
I miss you
I miss:
Your housemate, always
(L)
Dear Ex-Housie,
i love you
I need you
I miss you
I miss:
- Bed picnics
- Chill out sessions
- Pillow fights
- Watching you cook
- Eating your cooking
- Photo shoots
- Naked stalker pictures
- Toilet rolls
- All day dates
- Road trips
- Party planning
- Giant dinner parties
- Crazy after parties
- Movie nights
- Never-ending conversations
- Grocery shopping
- Tea, tea, tea
- Banana bread
- Banana pancakes
- Sherbet mocktails
- 'Rocky road' ice-cream
- Murder mysteries
- Rainbow paddle pops
- Dancing
- Treats and surprises
- Leftovers
- Adventures
- Burnt cookies
- Hot chocolates
- Facebook stalking
Your housemate, always
(L)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
brisney land
I'm sitting on a bench outside my new room in my new suburb of the new city I am dwelling in. I don't suppose I have ever been this lonely in my life. Burning lights of hope that I will make friends, have fun, make this work... I like this city, I know my loneliness has nothing to do with my location, any town that is not my home town would offer me the same sense of abandonment. It's a waiting game though. I must wait until I get a job, wait until I start studying, wait until I have a proper place to live. I'm assured that the commencement of these various avenues of entertainment will result in friends and lack of boredom bugs in my bed. But until then...
I'm the loneliest lass... and I just have to accept it.
Dear Brisbane,
i love you
I am falling and falling hard.
There is so much I am yet to discover about you but all I have been shown so far is exciting, new and brilliant.
I feel I should tell you though that this is going to be complicated. I’m coming from a very serious relationship and don’t know what, if anything, I am searching for. I wasn’t expecting you; your wonderful sunshine filled smile, your pimming swool eyes, you melt my soul with the burning desire of your heart and leave me sun burnt and smiling.
This won’t be easy, I have unfinished business with an old lover. I need to visit him, talk to him. I owe him this much.
But Brisbane, I will make it work for us.
You have left your sun kisses on my heart
(L)
I'm the loneliest lass... and I just have to accept it.
Dear Brisbane,
i love you
I am falling and falling hard.
There is so much I am yet to discover about you but all I have been shown so far is exciting, new and brilliant.
I feel I should tell you though that this is going to be complicated. I’m coming from a very serious relationship and don’t know what, if anything, I am searching for. I wasn’t expecting you; your wonderful sunshine filled smile, your pimming swool eyes, you melt my soul with the burning desire of your heart and leave me sun burnt and smiling.
This won’t be easy, I have unfinished business with an old lover. I need to visit him, talk to him. I owe him this much.
But Brisbane, I will make it work for us.
You have left your sun kisses on my heart
(L)
Monday, January 5, 2009
my first champagne
I have always feared leaving things behind, more so then getting left behind myself. Sometimes, however, you know it's time for changes, time to go searching. I was entirely happy and content where I was but there's a nomad dwelling in my heart who won't let me rest, not yet.
I'm not old, not yet.
It's not too late too run, not yet.
Dear Armidale,
i love you
I miss you also. I know that this is entirely my fault, that is was my decision to leave you. I’m searching for something, for someone that I will probably never find. I hope you understand that I didn’t leave for lack of loving you. Please do not question that.
I have never enjoyed spending time with anyone quite as much as you. I know you so well, all the streets and sidewalks for your soul, the buildings of your thoughts, I can navigate my way through you mind, your body, your heart. I have the map to you, etched on my soul.
I hope that you understand that I had to leave and why. I need to see the world, experience the unknown, unmapped territory of myself and learn my own secrets.
Please don’t forget me, as I could never forget you. 18 years I spent with you, you are a part of me that I can never let go of, and one day, when the timing is right I will make my way back to you and we can be together again;
And always at home
(L)
I'm not old, not yet.
It's not too late too run, not yet.
Dear Armidale,
i love you
I miss you also. I know that this is entirely my fault, that is was my decision to leave you. I’m searching for something, for someone that I will probably never find. I hope you understand that I didn’t leave for lack of loving you. Please do not question that.
I have never enjoyed spending time with anyone quite as much as you. I know you so well, all the streets and sidewalks for your soul, the buildings of your thoughts, I can navigate my way through you mind, your body, your heart. I have the map to you, etched on my soul.
I hope that you understand that I had to leave and why. I need to see the world, experience the unknown, unmapped territory of myself and learn my own secrets.
Please don’t forget me, as I could never forget you. 18 years I spent with you, you are a part of me that I can never let go of, and one day, when the timing is right I will make my way back to you and we can be together again;
And always at home
(L)
Friday, January 2, 2009
what the shadows do at night
I brought in the new year with anything but style. I was asleep for the countdown, (asleep, not passed out).
I think I'm waiting for something, waiting for life to slap me back into consciousness. This year better prove itself to me because I have a lot riding on it being the best out of my 22.
Dear 2009,
i love you
Actually that's a complete lie. I don't even know you.
I'll give you ONE YEAR to prove yourself.
That is all,
(L)
I think I'm waiting for something, waiting for life to slap me back into consciousness. This year better prove itself to me because I have a lot riding on it being the best out of my 22.
Dear 2009,
i love you
Actually that's a complete lie. I don't even know you.
I'll give you ONE YEAR to prove yourself.
That is all,
(L)
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