Thursday, October 16, 2008

half empty

I woke up feeling alone; feeling empty. Like there was a part of me missing - a big part. This feeling was surprising to me as I hadn't been feeling this way before. Had part of me escaped in the night, leaving me deflated?
I felt isolated. I missed everything I ever thought my life could be and even the things I knew my life still was. I was detached from every movement I made and every feeling I felt aside from the overwhelming pain in my heart.
I don't like this feeling, but am glad that tomorrow this feeling will be gone.
There's peace in that.







Dear Missing,

i love you,
You're gone now and I'm aching for you, aching for the touch of your words on my heart, my heart which feels utterly empty without you.
I wish we could have pulled together and made it work, instead we pulled apart and watched it die, writhing in the vacuum we had created, struggling to survive.
It's strange to think that I could have loved you forever, been with you for eternity. It's stranger still to think that I will love someone as fiercely as I loved you, but I will.
The distance is so vast and dark, I don't know how to cross it and reach you. Things in my life seem so odd when you're not associated with them anymore, my bed feels sacred to you and I. Your cuddles and your warmth - so terrifying to know that I will never be your littlest spoon again. Never again feel you behind me, breathing your life into my spine.
You've gone now,
Missing
Missing
Missing

But your lips belong to me, I stole them like a theif in the night. I keep them in my pocket and your heart still hugs my heart where they sleep together on my sleeve. But my heart is heavy, burdened and lonelier than I knew it could be. Because your heart has changed, its a shadow of what it once was, a memory perhaps.
How do you know whats meant to be? Forgotten, embraced, kept at a distance?
How do you know who's meant to be? Loved, fought for, betrayed, erased.
What memories would I be willing to lose in order to avoid fragments of a rubble heart?

All? None.

(L)



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